Mesmerized

once.

Shoutout to my good sis CheyannePorter lmao, I thought of you when I realized that 11 in Spanish is another English word 😂

We were in his car; I hadn't said a word to him; unsure what to say. It was a first for me, I was the girl who had a smart remark for everything, I wasn't sure what I could say to a person who appeared to be unfazed by all of my verbal attacks.

"You alright over there?" Mahdi asked me, lightly touching my shoulder.

I nodded slightly, "You're kind of terrifying and I'm not used to men like you."  Mahdi Taylor was definitely a man, he wasn't a docile plaything like I was used to; he was a living, breathing, no nonsense man.

"I clocked your intentions from a mile away; I'm not about to play with you. I genuinely want to get to know you, but today was your free pass. I already have a kid; I don't need another one." Mahdi spoke calmly. "I think you're beautiful and intelligent, but you have to be willing to let me in okay? I'm not going to force you or chase you, so think about it for a couple days and then you can call me." He stopped in front of my building, unbuckling his seatbelt and looking at me.

I hesitated before I spoke again, "Do you have time to come inside? I feel like I wasted our time together today." Surprise flooded through me as I felt something that I hadn't felt since I was fifteen; guilt.

"You can go home and think about what you did, then you can think of ways to better use our very limited time the next time that we're both free." He told me, tentatively bringing his hand up to my face; I froze for a millisecond before melting into his touch. "Call me when you're done trying to sabotage something that hasn't even started yet."

Mahdi had dismissed me, I nodded silently. "I will. Bye Mahdi." I sighed, getting out of his car.

"Goodbye Nurse Santos." He buckled his seat belt and waved at me before driving away.

Screaming could be heard from inside of my apartment as I approached. I groaned, not in the mood to be around that energy when I barely had any to spare.

"You're in love with her! It's so fucking obvious Lei! I'm so fucking stupid!" I heard Tzhura scream.

My key was in the door, I waited to hear Lani's response before I would unlock it.

"She's my best friend! Why are you doing this Tzhura? Why do you keep picking fights about this tired ass topic?" She yelled back.

I heard something break, "You lying bitch! Why did you lock the door when you were in her room then? I can't believe I chose your cheating ass over my family! Ugh, I should've stuck to guys."

I'd heard enough and unlocked the door; I wouldn't allow Lani to go through that alone, privacy and boundaries be damned. I dropped my bag by the front door, the couple froze when they saw me. "What the fuck is going on in here?"

"Oh great! Your girlfriend has perfect timing." Tzhura crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "Why was Leilani in your bedroom with the door locked?"

This bitch. "Because we were having a private conversation and I don't know you to have you in my business." I replied matter of factly, she was surely mistaken if she thought that she could intimidate me in any way.

Lani clapped her hands together, "I told you! Ugh." She said to her supposed girlfriend.

"Of course, you would say that, you know stuff about me though! If that was true, then you could've asked for a second opinion." Tzhura argued.

"I don't want to know things about you though Tzhura, your mouth is just so goddamn big." I groaned, dropping my bag to the floor and getting comfortable on the kitchen counter. "And for the record, I'm going to need you to put thirty dollars in my bank account for breaking my good goddamn vase, crazy bitch."

Lani held her hand up to silence me, "Don't call her names Ari." She defended her weirdo girlfriend.

"At least you can stick up for me!" Tzhura added unnecessarily. I shot her a glare but remained silent out of respect for my friend. "You stress me out Lei." She whimpered.

Lani stared at her incredulously. "I stress you out? You literally just admitted to me that you're a fake lesbian while insinuating that I cheated on you with my best friend while you were in the house. Not to mention you said that you would pick your homophobic ass family over me."

"I think I should go." She replied.

I clapped enthusiastically, "And never come back, you dumb bitch." I hopped off the counter and decided that it was time for me to go to my room, "Break up with her sis, you're way too good for her."

Tzhura screamed, charging toward me. I laughed at her, delivering a quick punch to her face before walking away.

"Don't bleed on my carpet unless you wanna pay to have it cleaned!" I yelled while retreating.

I walked into my bedroom and locked the door behind me, successfully separating myself from the couple's drama. I laid spread eagle, subconsciously grateful for the little distraction. I pulled my phone out, scrolling through my contacts until I found the person who could help me the most. My brother Izan knew me inside-out; Mahdi reminded me of him in that way.

"Hermanita! ¿Que pasó?" He answered, immediately alarmed because I'd called him. I communicated with all of my family through short, concise texts, unless it was important. Music could be heard from his end.

My head throbbed, "Am I a bad person? Honestly."

"What? No Natalia, you're just hurting." Izan replied, the sounds in the background faded completely.

I stared at the ceiling, one hand playing with my hair as I rattled off my uncensored thoughts. "I think I noticed it fully today, San. I tried to hurt someone, and I feel bad about it." I admitted.

"Tally, you are not a bad person. Listen to me, you're guarded for your own reasons; I hope one day you'll feel comfortable enough to tell me what they are, but it doesn't make you a bad person. This that you're feeling proves that you aren't bad, okay?" Izan talked me off the emotional ledge.

I nodded, feeling tears that I wouldn't allow myself to shed, "I think I want to be better now."

"Then make the moves, everything starts with a thought. Are you comfortable talking to me or one of the others, or do you want me to find you a therapist?" Izan asked me.

I gulped. "Therapist please." I bit my lip, focusing my attention to that physical pain to ignore the emotional one. "Thank you Izan, I love you."

He was silent for a while; it was something that I rarely said. "I love you too Arinze Natalia, I'll find some people and text you their names okay? I'm always here for you, we all are."

"I know and I'm sorry that I'm such a shitty sister." I sighed.

Izan sighed, "You're not, you can only give so much to us when you have so little for yourself. It's okay niñera."

I nodded, smiling sadly. "Thank you for listening."

We talked for a while longer, I'd gone out of my comfort zone and asked him about his life, my newfound feelings of guilt intensified when he let me know that he was at a wedding. I apologized more then, we wrapped up our conversation shortly after with the promise that I would talk to my brothers more often. I knew myself though and wondered if I would keep that promise when I wasn't feeling bad about myself.

Mahdi was right about everything and he barely knew me, someone other than Lani was calling me out on my behavior and I felt like I was ready to make a change. Though I had to admit my own fear to myself; it was easy to be an unfeeling person, letting emotions roll off of me without making an impact. If one talk with Mahdi could make me feel so terribly about myself and my actions, I wasn't sure what therapy would uncover.

Now that we've laid the foundation for Arinze's character, it's time for what we call character development!

Are we excited?

Also, how much of a dad is Mahdi?

& Do we wanna see more of her family? They love her a lot and it lowkey breaks my heart to write about her being dismissive towards them!