Mesmerized

treinta y ocho.

"What exactly does one wear to meet the parents?" I asked Lani, who was sprawled out on my bed.

She laughed quietly, seemingly finding humor in my frantic ransacking of my closet. "You're just going over there for lunch, right? Just dress casually, wear one of those summer dresses that you always avoid!"

Now that was a thought. Deep inside my closet was a collection of dresses that I'd received over the years as gifts from my mother. They weren't ugly by any means, however I always found them to be too girly for my personal taste. As I looked at a few of the dresses, one stood out to me; my stomach did backflips when I realized that it was in one of Cairo's favorite colors.

"This one." I held it out for Lani to inspect.

She clapped her hands together excitedly, "It's perfect; casual enough that it doesn't look like you're trying too hard and classy enough to show that you care about your appearance. I'm sold!"

"Good! I can breathe for a few more hours." I sunk onto the bed beside Lani while shifting nervously.

There was a knot in my stomach as I tried to picture Mahdi's parents, something that I found myself doing every day since he asked me if I wanted to meet them. Anxiety had swelled within me as we embarked on every ascending step in our relationship and meeting his parents was no different; all I wanted was for things to go well. I had no doubts that Mahdi's parents would be perfectly poised and polite, given the way that their son turned out, they would probably welcome me with warmth even if they didn't like me.

"Calm down Ari!" Lani broke me away from my reverie. "If you clench your fist any tighter, you'll draw blood."

As though her voice commanded me, I relaxed my hands. "I'm calm, just running a bunch of scenarios in my head."

"All you can do is be yourself. It's worked out for you this far; don't change now." Lani wrapped me in a comforting embrace. "It's time for you to get ready."

The clock on my bedside table confirmed her statement, "Don't go anywhere! I'm staying at Mahdi's tonight, so I need as much Lani time as possible." I told her while heading to the bathroom, "I'll be ten minutes tops!"

"You're annoying, Arinze." Lani's laughter followed me to the bathroom, "I'll be in the kitchen when you're done!"

The shower relaxed me, I had to consciously remind myself to stay in the moment. Events that caused immense stress on me were known to make me check out emotionally; Dr. Jade described it as a defense mechanism, one that was deeply ingrained with me. Even with all the progress that I'd made, I still found myself slipping every now and then. The trick to stay in the moment was to accurately discern a real threat from simple anxiety.

As promised, I found Leilani in the kitchen after I'd gotten dressed. She was writing in her planner and I stole a glance over her shoulder to see what it was.

"Going back to the kids?" I asked her.

Lani finished writing the details of her job interview and then turned to me. "I'm not sure yet; it's either this or a job at a museum. Sort of leaning towards the museum because I haven't done that yet."

"Maybe the fact that another teaching job came up is a sign that you belong there." I squeezed her shoulders. "I bet you could take your kids on a trip to the museum; think about it."

She bit her bottom lip as she contemplated, "I'll see how I feel after the interviews. If I take the teaching job, I'll have to change my hair to even things out."

"Good enough for me Leilani." I smiled at her, genuinely meaning it. "Do whatever feels right."

Lani clapped her hands out of habit. "Loving the attentiveness and subject driven responses Ari! That's everything you need to show that you've listened intently."