Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Four-Lena

Hello, Lovelies.  

I hope everyone is doing well this Wednesday and I hope everyone is enjoying this book.  Please remember to comment and vote.  -XXX Amanda

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I grit my teeth as I stare into the mirror taking in my reflection dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and chucks. Nothing seems different about me, but I have changed. It's been two and a half months since Barrett passed away and people think I should have gotten over it by now. They want me to be the same Lena, but I don't think that's possible. Something has changed in me...Something that is dark and twists around my soul. It invades my mind making me feel guilty when I laugh or when I smile. It's affecting everything including my schoolwork.

I sigh as I pick up my books. I have to go to the library because I'm so behind. Groaning, I make my way outside blinking against the sun that seems to bright and sink into a chair near the table in our front yard trying not to think about how often me and Barrett sat out here talking and pull my phone from my pocket to call an Uber because Jay is at work with the car.

Before I can push the button for the app a sob reaches my ears and I raise my head to find a girl stumbling out the door tears washing her mascara down her face in long, black streaks. Her eyes meet mine as she hurries to her car and gets in squealing her tires as she leaves. I shake my head because I don't have to be a genius to figure out what happened. She was one of Asher's conquests...One of the many who had come and gone over the last year. I frown because for such a nice guy he is a man whore but as he steps out I immediately know why. His hair is messy just out of bed sexy. His piercing blue eyes have the ability to render girls speechless. His crooked grin that dent dimples into each cheek cause girl's hearts to stop and today his shirt is open revealing his rippling abs. He's insanely hot...And he knows it.

His gaze moves toward where her car was and then, move to me. A frown moves over his face as he steps out of his house wincing as if feeling shame for that moment. At least he has the decency to appear embarrassed.

"Busy morning?" I ask, raising a brow.

He shrugs, his eyes sliding over my face, "Unfortunately," he says with a shrug, "I'm sorry about that."

I look at my phone as I search the internet for a cab company, "It's not my business, Asher."

He sighs and I glance up to see him rub his hand across his eyes before it lowers and he notices my books, "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get a cab to the library," I said, lowering my eyes to the screen so I won't ogle his appearance. I'm depressed not blind.

"I can take you," he said, flinching as if he didn't mean to offer. I try not to let that bother me.

"It's fine," I said, trying to force a smile across my face, "You've had a busy enough morning without being a driver for me."

"Lena, I have to go there anyway," he said, buttoning his shirt, "It's not a problem."

I grimaced and he narrowed his eyes, "Just take the damn ride, Lena," he said, grinning to lessen the sting.

I opened my mouth to argue but he crossed his arms over his chest, becoming more determined, "Fine," I said, reluctantly wondering why he was being so nice to me and my brother.

"Let me get my keys," he said, going into his house and returning a few minutes later twirling the keyring around his finger.

His car was a gorgeous, black El Camino that I had openly drooled over for the past year. He opened the door for me, and I hopped in appreciating its beauty as he closed the door.

"He's such a gentleman but still a man whore," I say before I can stop myself just as he opens his door.

He narrows his eyes but there's no anger there, "I heard that."

The color rises to my cheeks. Sometimes, I should really bite my tongue, "Sorry...But it's true."

"I'm insulted," he said, putting his hand over his chest, "You called me a gentleman."

I couldn't help the laugh that broke from between my lips. Asher tilted his head studying me and just like that, the guilt twisted through me causing my laughter to fade. A frown crossed Asher's brow as he took his seat.

"You know Barrett would want you to be happy, right?" He asked, raising his brows.

I shrugged because I wasn't sure. I didn't know Barrett was unhappy when he was alive. There was still no explanation as to why he decided to down all those pills and take his life. I wondered if I truly knew him at all.

"He would," he said when I didn't answer as he twisted the key in the ignition before putting the car in gear.

"Maybe," I said, softly, "Maybe not...Who knows. He's a mystery to me now."

Asher glanced at me his blue eyes darkening, "I doubt that," he whispered, his voice deep with sadness, "You were with him every day."

I swallowed over the lump in my throat, "It doesn't mean I knew him," I said, gritting my teeth, "I didn't know he was sad. He didn't tell me."

"You sound angry," he sighed, glancing at the road, his hands tight on the steering wheel.

"I am," I said, a frown etching across my brow, "He wasn't like me. He was outgoing and brave and full of life and I've never been like that."

Asher pursed his lips, "How do you see yourself?"

"The same way everyone else does," I said, simply, "The sweet, shy virgin girl."

Asher blinked, "You're a virgin? Aren't you twenty?"

"I'm nineteen," I said, raising my chin, "I'm not the only nineteen-year-old virgin in the world. Don't act so shocked."

"I haven't met many," he said, laughing.

"Because you don't want to," I said, raising my brows again.

A grin broke over his face, "There you go calling me a man whore again."

"Well, at least I didn't call you a gentleman," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Okay," he said, laughing, "But I will say there is nothing wrong with you being sweet or shy or even a virgin. They aren't bad things."

I bit my bottom lip because he was wrong. Barrett killed himself and I was alive but wasn't living.

"What's wrong?" Asher asked glancing at me.

I shrugged, "Maybe I'm tired of being those things...Maybe I want to make new friends...To live instead of hiding."

"Then, go to parties," Asher said, shrugging, "There's a party tonight at Pi Zeta Alpha. It's an open party. I'm going. I'll introduce you to some people."

I shake my head, "Maybe," I said as we arrived at the library, "I'll think about it."

He nodded, "Find me if you go," he said and then, shook his head, "But don't change too much though I wouldn't exactly say you're shy. I mean...You called me a man whore twice during a ten-minute car ride but stay sweet. Don't lose that."

I nodded as I picked up my books but he didn't understand. I wanted to change it all...I wanted to be someone else so maybe the pain would stop. I grabbed the handle of the car door and turned to him.

"Thanks for the ride, Asher," I said.

He frowned taking in my face with a sweep of his eyes, "No problem," he answered, studying me in a way that made me feel exposed, "Let me know about the party."

I nodded and closed the door walking away from him, feeling his eyes on me. I groaned because I could sense the pity he was feeling, and I hated it. I straightened, hating that I was so damn pathetic.