Do You See Me Now? ✔

Chapter 18 - The Loneliness

Wednesday, October 24th

     Everything went to hell, and Jesse was at a complete loss of what to do. For the most part, he just wanted to stay in bed until he died, hiding from the world for the rest of his life.

Or he could move.

Yes, moving far away was an option, if he had the money for it.

But obviously, it wasn't an option, and he was stuck staying with Loek and Mees since there was probably nobody else left who would take him in. Maybe not even Yoni at the moment.

But he had Loek, and Loek had come home when Jesse called him a second time and couldn't pronounce a single word because he was sobbing too much. He was still ugly-crying when Loek had made it home, and for a solid hour, Loek held Jesse in his arms, trying to calm him down.

It was to no avail. For the rest of the evening, every little thing made him burst into tears again. Mees eventually gave up on working on his laptop, ordered in some pizza, and tried helping Loek to distract Jesse.

But Jesse felt as if his life was over, and nothing they said or did could stop him from thinking it.

It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that Jesse had fallen asleep with Loek still holding him protectively.

In the morning, when Jesse refused to leave his bed, Mees called school to call him in sick and explain why Jesse's parents didn't just call. One by one, more secrets were revealed. Slowly, more people knew about him getting kicked out of his parental home, more people knew about Donna and Yoni, and more and more people were sending him texts to ask if he had known about them.

Jesse eventually threw his phone across the room, where it hit the wall and shattered into pieces.

No more texts or calls, no more questions, no nothing. It was quiet after that, and Jesse didn't regret it for one second. Yes, he could've just shut his phone off and leave it like that, but it felt far better to break it.

He didn't want to go to school to find out who else knew about his sexuality. Maybe Axel had only told Calix, maybe he had told others too.

One thing Jesse knew for sure was that Axel was angry. And an angry Axel equalled revenge. And Axel had the perfect revenge; outing Jesse to everyone who was willing to listen.

Loek had to work, and Mees stayed home to keep him company. More so, to force him to eat something, and drink water to keep himself hydrated after all the tears he had shed.

His life was a mess, and he didn't know how to clean up the mess.

He had no idea how anyone thought about homosexuality, and if they'd turn their backs on him now that he was outed. Not to forget, he had betrayed Axel by not telling him about Donna.

But at the same time, Jesse didn't regret keeping it a secret. When Donna would be coming out wasn't his decision to make, and if he had told Axel about her, he would've told him about Yoni too. He kept two people's wishes in mind when he decided not to tell Axel.

And now he probably lost one of his best friends.

And his other best friend would probably be disgusted by the idea that Jesse was in love with him.

Jesse had expected to be alone with Mees for most of the day, but around noon, Loek came walking in with a smile on his face that made even Mees frown.

"What are you up to? I know that look," Mees asked him while sending him a distrustful look.

"Jesse, get dressed."

"Why?" Jesse asked without any emotion in his voice. He was currently lying on the couch in sweatpants and a hoodie, obviously hiding most of his face under his hood. "I'm perfectly comfortable in these clothes, in this spot."