y/n pov
sitting in the back of my class, I watch the students. Some say I'm a freak, it's cause I don't talk as much. I always hide my face in a hoodie, I can't stand making eye contact with people. I don't socialise, and I don't really have friends. Some people are scared of me, probably because of the eye bags under my eyes for not getting enough sleep. Some give me weird looks, like I'm a somewhat monster.
The truth is, I lost myself. I lost my laugh and my smile. I pushed away almost everyone I met, even my own family. I practically drowned in depression and anxiety. I started not paying attention in class, I started feeling numb. Some people say I'm an attention seeker, due to the fact that I stand out in the crowd. I sit alone in the canteen, even in my own house. My mom and dad gave up on me when my brother left us.
Sitting in the back of the class alone was the only time I get thoughts of letting go. Letting go of the life I'm living. What's the whole point? I sit in class alone. I'm at home alone. I'm everywhere alone. I waste everything I've been given. Might as well just end my life here and now. But that one thought in my head stops me. What would my parents go through? What would they feel when their daughter just vanished? It would all be my fault, not theirs.
Snapping back from my thoughts, I focused on our teacher. "Good evening class, we have a new student" she said giving us a smile. She always smiles, I wonder how she fakes it to the point where it looks real. "His name is Han Jisung, please treat him nicely" she introduced him. Most girls started fangirling, calling him cute and etc. I just sat there knowing exactly what will happen. He'll be that popular kid that makes every girl fall on their knees. Every girl but me.
"Jisung, please take a seat next to Woojin" the teacher said, guiding him to Woojin's table. After giving us a smile, she started continuing the lesson. "He's probably gonna end up like Minho" Changbin said, taking a seat next to me. Seo Changbin, the only guy that actually understood me since the day I entered class. "That's what happens to the new boys, they meet Felix and they're gone" I stated, making him nod in agreement.
Changbin also stops me from taking my life, his always just there. Listening, giving advice, but knowing him, he is just as sad as I am. What would he think when he's best friend is going to take her life, and forget all the things he has done for me. I just wonder, how is he not tired? Getting bullied by Felix most of the time, having mental breakdowns in the male bathrooms. How does he still not want to just give up? That would be so much easier. The only thing that's stopping him is his beloved mother. He loves her dearly.
[ 3:25 pm ]
Changbin and me were sitting in the canteen, in our usual spot. Some gave us weird looks, I mean I would've been scared to look at myself after not sleeping for 4 days. "You know, I never thought I would live my life like this honestly" I said, making him confused. "What do you mean?" He asked. "I never thought I would wake up everyday and I just wanted to end it" I said. "It's gonna be alright, you'll get thru it". In fact, I won't. There she goes, my ex-bestfriend, Wendy. Pushing her away was one of the hardest decisions I've made in life. Yes she still checks on me everyday, knowing my condition.
After lunch, Changbin and me decided to go back to class. As we entered, we sat 4 boys that we truly didnt have the mood to see. "Well look who it is, the freak show" Minho said. Ignoring them, we just sat down. "Princess, you know damn well that no one ignores me" Minho said, smirking as he stood in front of me. "My my, than I'll take the honors and be the first one" I said sarcastically. "Minho, we don't have time for your bullshit" I said and gave him a dull look. "The fact that your group bullies Changbin, a guy, but you're too afraid to touch me, a girl" I said.
jisung pov
Perhaps it was a mistake to follow Felix and Minho. I never wanted to be included in bullying. Watching Minho and a random girl fight was honestly something I've never seen. After Minho slapping her, she still had her dull face. Weird, I never noticed her in class today. She looks drained, like her soul has been pulled out of her body. She wasn't sad, nor was she happy. She was just there.
