y/n pov
I was all alone, again. Changbin is gone, Jisung is gone. Everyone is fucking gone. And why? Because I pushed them away. This is all my fault, it's always my fault. I tried saving them, but I forgot that I lost me. Everyone is gone, they gave up. Found someone better. Changbin is with Jennie, Jisung is better off without me. And my parents are never home. And that left me, alone.
The cafeteria was crowded, except for my table. No one sits there. Wendy doesn't come to school anymore, she's planning to be homeschooled. Jisung is sitting with Minho and Felix. Changbin sits with Jennie. So why am I the only one that can't move on? Why am I the one that is still lingering? Why do I push people away, and regret it the next second? This is all my doing, I should get used to it.
The food was boring, dry. The rice felt like paper and the meat tasted like metal. Everything in my life is always so boring. My black hoodie is hiding me, the hood is up on my head and no one seems to notice me. I'm ignoring everyone, I feel abandoned. Like I'm this old place which everyone forgot about and looked at a new one. And that's exactly what's happening here. Everyone is minding their business, and it hit me.
It's my fault everything is like this. Maybe if I tried hard, I wouldn't be alone. Maybe if I gave Jisung a chance everything would be normal. If I listened to Minho, I would be alright. If I started making new friends, I would be all okay. Maybe if I started being happy and I start wearing colourful clothes people will notice me. Maybe if I try as hard I want to, I would make my parents proud. Maybe if I didn't show attitude, I would be doing alright at therapy. This one is on me.
"This is all my fault" I mumbled and placed my food tray next to the sink. My boots were making noise with each step I made. Everyone is staring. I just continued walking to class, looking down and avoiding eye contact. I sat behind and plugged my earphones in. Felix was sitting across me, doing god knows what. I had no interest in what he was doing, I was too sad to know. "y/n? y/n?!" was the last thing I heard before everything turned black.
