Damn You, You're Amazing

Chapter 6 : A Long Way From The Playground

They say it's easy to ignore and forget the things that don't matter. But the things that are so small and insignificant to the others may be a life changing experience to yourself.

Also, the things that you fight the most , out of fear and instinct, and pressure given by the people and the circumstances are the things that are most likely to appear in your life and break every single one of those thick walls that you've spent your whole life building around yourself as a way to stay safe, protected, ordinary.

In the end, though, that may be your destruction, your own personal apocalypse, but also, something you have always secretly craved and longed for. In the other case, all the sacrifices, words, or acts don't seem to be worthy enough of what you gained. And you would be willing to give so much more to ensure that it never goes away.

And for you to fall never felt this hard, excruciatingly slow, never this freeing and amazing.

You would fall over and over again, until your last breath. Just as hard and just as fast.

Just the same.

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He's sure that going on a vacation is supposed to mean that you are going away from home to get away from problems and to have time for yourself. To spend every minute of the said vacation relaxed and in peace, enjoying all the things the place has to offer. But if anyone asked Liam, he would probably tell them that he is missing out on a vacation this year, due to the fact that ever since they boarded the plane and landed in Greece, he's had nothing but ten million problems rushing through his mind.

He would rather have his old lumpy bed instead of the king-sized one they have in the hotel, because he hasn't slept well from the day one.

Liam does his best to endure all of it and to please his mother. He knows that she is definitely enjoying her time with her best friend and that's what he wants for her. He loves Trisha and he knows that she's glowing in the inside and on the outside. The two of them are in their perfect and delicate bubble of happiness that Liam can't bring himself to destroy.

The girls are the only thing keeping him sane, if he is being honest. The more time he spends swimming with Safaa makes that dull pain in his head go away as she giggles to everything he says and complies happily with everything he asks for. She is a cure to every illness, Liam swears. Hours and hours spent playing Call of Duty with Walihya in the dimness of the girls' room and chatting about stuff back home make him feel slightly warmer and better. Even if she is young, this girl knows her way around words and people, too. She seems like one of the coolest girls he's ever gonna meet, wearing oversized hoodies and sweatpants, playing video games and chatting about sports and action movies, not bothering to look perfect every second. On the other hand, he can still see the girl her, from the softness in her fond looks and high-pitched chuckles.

But in the end, Doniya's small touches and firm hugs for no special reason, or every reason he has make him relax and let his heart crawl back down into his chest from where it sat for days in his throat. She whispers sweet nothings into the crook of his neck when he admits some things to her, craving for Harry, Louis and Niall, but knowing that he can't tell them over the phone. He can't wait anymore, so she is all he has left, uncertain and full of questions.

She rubs his back soothingly as he talks about himself and for the first time whispers the word 'gay' and she promises that he will be fine, no matter what and gives all of her support without asking for anything in return. Tells him that he should take his time to figure out himself and not let anyone else tell him what to do.

He nods at her, soothes the fire on his nervously bitten lips with his tongue and prays that she doesn't ask where all of this is coming from.

Liam keeps quiet and he doesn't mention Zayn. Zayn that has been acting perfectly normal since he woke up that morning, hungover and remembering nothing about the talk that they had or the way he kissed Liam. Off-centered, but it was still a kiss.