Chapter One

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My parents stared at me accusingly. This was the worst moment of my life, and the very people caused it I should be able to lean on in these kinds of situations.

"What did you say!?" my mother shouted at me.

I felt the huge kitchen pulsating around me as my field of vision shrunk slowly like even the world wanted to stop existing outside this circle of shame. I used all my power to fight against bursting into tears, but even with that, if I couldn't get strength from holding Sanyi's hand, it would've been a long lost battle.

"I..." I swallowed. "I'm... a lesbian."

Sanyi reassuringly stroked my shoulder. I was a fool to hope our mother would handle the news half as well as he did. Our dad? He just sat stoically at the table, placing himself out of the conversation. At least he didn't seem disgusted or dismissive anymore.

"What do you mean by you are a lesbian?" my mom screamed with haphazard breathing. Her eyes were so full of burning hatred, that I hadn't seen from her even during our wildest arguments. "My daughter won't be a fag."

"Mom," Sanyi tried to calm her down.

"Son, you are staying out of this! You'll get yours later for holding this back from me."

"No, Mom!" my brother said firmly. "Your daughter is your daughter. The same girl you gave life to twenty years ago."

"No. This child in front of me is just a deranged teen. My daughter won't be a fag, you understand?"

My attention was switching back and forth between them, and for the first time in my life, I couldn't say a thing. This wasn't me. This really wasn't me. Surrendering to my mother's anger without a fight? I long forgot the memory of the last time I did that. Surrendering. But this wasn't in the faintest similar to any other fights. You can have disagreements with your mother, but when the source of it is your very self, that she should accept unconditionally, that kills you inside. Sucks the life out, and leaves you paralyzed, while you watch two of the most important people in your life biting each other's heads off.

"Your daughter is not a 'fag'!" my brother resisted. "She's a young woman who loves other women instead of men. Get over it!"

"Don't dare to defend this aberration to me!"

I glanced at Dad, maybe as a cry for help, but I don't know what I was expecting. To see him standing up to my mother for the first time in my life?

I was squeezing Sanyi's hand harder and harder, but even that started to lose its effectiveness. I felt small drops of tears gathering in the corner of my eyes.

"Mom, please, don't do this," I begged.

"Do not talk to me! Do not dare to talk until you forget this insanity! What did I do to deserve you becoming so disgusting?"

"I am not disgusting, Mom. I'm a lesbian."

She stepped closer and slapped me. In a single moment, the whole room froze. She had always been strict but never went as far as hitting either of us. It wasn't hard, physically I barely felt it, still, it was a hundred times more painful than anything else in my life.

After he managed to overcome the first shock, Sanyi jumped between us.

"Mom, now you went too far!"

"I was the one who went too far? Tell that to your fag sister!"

My tears started to rain like a tropical storm. Sanyi embraced my shoulder and walked me to the door.

"You are gonna regret these words, mom!" He looked back before we left the room. "You are gonna regret this, and I hope for all of our sake it won't be too late."

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