Chapter Five

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On Monday I arrived at the base half-past five in the morning, first of those who didn't spend the Sunday night there. The two girls in our room were still sleeping, so I moved as quietly as I could.

I was happy not to run into Adri on my way here. Me, the overconfident, self-respecting lesbian now felt ashamed for being who I was. I wouldn't have had the strength to look into her eyes. I couldn't remember the last time that I was this overwhelmed by self-loathing, but it really had me on my knees now.

I sat idly on my bed until the others woke up. It would be a long week, and it seemed longer by every passing minute. When Mariann and Hajni finally sat up, I could begin unpacking my stuff. I only had time to take out the first set of uniform, when Adri arrived. She stopped at the door and let out a large sigh.

"Hey" she looked at me, then to the others. "Hey, everybody."

"Hey" I smiled at her shyly. At least she greeted me.

"Em... Fanny, could we talk in private a little?" she asked.

I had no idea what she wanted, but she didn't look angry, disgusted, or anything like those, and it was more than enough reason to nod with no hesitation. I followed her like a puppy into the unoccupied room at the end of the hall. After I stepped in, she closed to the door behind me and locked it. For a moment, it passed my mind that I had misjudged her character. She might not be the kind girl I thought she was, and now she was gonna stab a knife into my chest. But she wasn't. She sat down on the furthest bed from the door and waved me to join on the bed in front of her.

"Look," she started as soon as I was sitting too. "I know, I didn't react well to what you told me."

I took a breath to answer, but she didn't let me.

"I acted like a hysterical cunt, and I feel really ashamed for it. Just... you know, I've never known anybody of your kind. And... I didn't know how to react... you know. About what you told me."

'Your kind' 'What you told' She clearly did everything to avoid the words like lesbian, and coming out. If anybody else has done it, I would've turned into this lesbian rights warrior, but at the moment I was just happy we finally spoke again.

"So, I want to apologize to you. You shared a secret with me, that must've been hard to tell, and I reacted the worst possible way."

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Don't tell me you've never told a white lie to your loved one. Shut up! "It wasn't the worst reaction I've ever received on a coming out."

"I believe that, but I want to apologize anyway. I want to make it up to you somehow."

My heart filled with warmth. Even after everything, there was a chance for us to stay friends.

"You really don't have to. All I want is everything between us to be the same as before."

"You sure?" she asked looking into my eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You sure you want everything to stay the same?"

I know how ambiguous it might sound, but there wasn't any ambiguity in her tone. She meant literally what she asked. Whether she needed to be afraid of I'd move on her one day. As much as I wanted to do that, with all my indecency I always had enough integrity of not taking advantage of others. Well... of girls. Well... of girls who meant something to me. I wasn't perfect, okay!?

"I'm positive. I really like you, and I know that well, it's a rare thing to find a good friend like you."

"So friends?" she asked with a delighted face.

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