**at this point I'm just torturing myself, this is more crying and blah blah blah of it all then poetry. Thanks for reading though.**
Do you remember when we'd laugh together?
When we'd smile and talk and laugh. Together.
It felt like it was only us in this big world, and I'll never forget the sensation of it.
You and I were like fireworks. Every day, all the time, never ending, an array of colors in the dark world around us.
We were like a Mozart symphony, bringing in emotion after emotion, greedy for feeling, high on possibility.
We were unburnable, unbreakable, we were invincible.
And even now
When you have her to call your lover
When you have her to hold on to at night
When you have her to be with
Her to kiss
Her to love endlessly
I refuse to believe it was just a dream of mine.
As a child I'd have nightmares, still do some nights,
But I always woke up, and the pain would stop. I could breathe after discovering that the monster chasing after me was but only a thought my mind made into a being.
And although it's selfish to say, I wake up every day, and check your page, and wonder when life will go back to normal
When I can breathe again...
Because you don't know how much you mean to me
But I suppose that's my fault
I never told you, but I did
With every smile and every laugh
I told you with every dream, every dawn
I told you I loved you a million times, and I thought I heard you say it back.
But sweet boy, when you love someone that love doesn't change. We don't talk anymore, it's her you say those words to.
I want to be happy for you. But my heart breaks with every beat because it's another moment it isn't yours.
I want to be mad at her, but how can I? When she lights up your world? Above all else, love means putting someone before yourself. I loved you, I love you. And she's taken my place in every sense of the word. So, when she says she loves you, I think she means it.
But sweet boy, my heart won't let you go. I'm trapped in the image of you, and who you are. It's not safe, it's not fair but it's where I exist. Your love is who I am. Who I try to be, at least.
Do you remember when we'd joke around together?
The sex puns, the dirty looks we got from teachers for laughing at them, the overall stupid things we'd say?
I try my best to keep my memory of you in them. I visit them every day with you.
I know you don't think of me anymore, but I have to get these words out of my head, chest, and heart. These may just be the words of a stupid young girl, but I love you with the heart I've been given. I love you. I love you so much it hurts to breathe. I love you so much I feel my heart explode with every word you ever wrote to her, every time you said you loved her, every time you look at her, I love you enough to not run to you on bad days, or good days, or any day at all. I love you enough to let you love her, and not ask you to reconsider a single thing. I love you enough to tear myself open every day to keep from contacting you, I don't care what the rest of the world thinks or does, I love our world, where it's just you and I. I love you. I love you so much. I love you enough to put myself through hell because of it. I love you enough to be okay with the feeling not being returned. I love you enough to let you forget about me, I love you. And I will always love you.
Always.
So when you laugh with her,
When you kiss her,
When you joke with her,
When you love her
Remember how loved you are. Because if she's like I as it seems she is, she loves you unconditionally. But she will never love you like I do.
YOU ARE READING
Mostly my rambling on my horrible love life
Poetry**previously Poems, Thoughts, and Everything in Between** Rants and silent screams. It sort of follows a story though. I once had a best friend I fell for, and... you'll see how that played out. It goes off of that topic every once and a while but m...
