For those of you wondering, as of today things are looking up. The boy I spoke about previously in this book is still happily with his crazy girlfriend; he's shut me out completely and claims he's not to blame; and I've learned to accept that things are different between us from here on out.
We're strangers again. But This time, it's on my terms. I'm not going to pretend he's starting to give a dang about me, but I've realized that I've tried far too hard for someone far too immature. Is he a great guy? Yes, you meet him and your world changes. But is he someone worth ruining or making my day with his decisions about wether to talk to me or not that day? No!
He's not worth the tears. Her not worth the begging, and frankly I'm mad at myself now for trying to hard for someone unwilling to lift a finger for me.
He claims he stopped talking to me because his girlfriend told him to. Do I buy it? Not really. He doesn't have to stay with her, he does have to submit so much to her. But he does. And he doesn't have to. And look, I get it, I wasn't ever about to ask him to choose me over her, but the least he could have done was tell me it was his girlfriend so I wouldn't have to question everything I said the last time we talked.
That hurt. That sucked.
But I've been talking to a guy recently who's become a part of my every day life again. We're just friends today and I wouldn't be surprised if we stayed like that for forever, but right now we're happy with each other. We text each other every morning and night, and he's not afraid to tell me how he's feeling when he's overwhelmed with life. We talk about our problems, and dreams, and frustrations.
I know his mom and she knows mine, and we're planning to hang out more often. One day soon he's going to teach me how to play basketball and I'm going to go to one of his games. We're going to have a bonfire and go out with friends, and just enjoy our teenage years together like everyone else our age, but we're going to do it together.
We talk every day. With N, once a week was pushing it. A real raw conversation was rare, and he was always multi tasking. Me and this one, we talk while on our way to church and then we talk about church, and then we go to school and we tell each other how our days went. And we talk. We sit down and talk. And it's really nice.
His hugs are nice, too. N never did hug me quite like this one does.
So dear girls, if I've learned anything of this roler coaster ride it's to breathe through things.
He's ghosting you and all you want to do is spam him in hopes of starting a conversation? Breathe.
You can't tell if he's flirting with you or if you're just reading into things? Breathe.
You're sitting alone in your room daydreaming of dates you'll likely never go on? Breathe.
There is someone in the infinite sky's above looking out for that heart strapped in your chest. He cares what happens to it. Believe in that power. He knows everything you're ever going to say or do to impress a person. He knows everything you're going to grow to regret, and everything you're going to grow to love about your life and the effects it has on others.
He knows.
Have faith in that.
I'm not sure if I'll be continuing this or not, but I do plan on editing the previous chapters in hopes of pulling this diary-sort of thing together into an actual book. So if any of this fails to make sense to you right now, keep an eye out for my next update, it'll hopefully straighten things out. 🤗
YOU ARE READING
Mostly my rambling on my horrible love life
Poetry**previously Poems, Thoughts, and Everything in Between** Rants and silent screams. It sort of follows a story though. I once had a best friend I fell for, and... you'll see how that played out. It goes off of that topic every once and a while but m...
