The Untold Truth

4

I've been feeling kind of off lately and I don't know why. I've been throwing up in the mornings not every day but it's been happening very often. When I am in my volleyball practice there are times that I get a bit dizzy but maybe that is just because of how hard the training has been lately. I start my period in like a week, I don't think im pregnant at all. I know those are pregnancy signs but there is no way im pregnant it's probably just the stress of finals coming up and our volleyball games, that is probably it. I usually do get this sickness around this time of the year that is why I am not so surprised or worried about it.

*A week Later*

Fuck fuck fuck!I'm 3 days late for my period! And I'm fucking scared now! I don't know what the fuck is going on. This never happens to me, I always get my period on the same day every month. I don't want to go and start making assumptions and psych myself out because maybe is just a hormonal thing and you know... sometimes things like this happen. Although I've been throwing up daily now, I don't get dizzy that much anymore but I do get tired a lot which is also not normal for me since I am a very active person. So what if I am pregnant!? Oh my god no!. No wait let me breathe, there is not even a slight chance I could be pregnant, Grayson and I used protection we always do so there is no way.It's just my hormones. ..... okay Vanessa just breathe baby. Don't even think about it because is not true. Grayson has always used protection and there's no way the condom could of broke. Im just imagining stuff, this is just the stress I've been having lately. Nothing more than just stress.Im not preg..... NO! Don't even say it. Because you're not !!! Or am I?..... I can't be .... there's no fucking way ..... I'll just wait for two more days and if nothing happens then..... I'm buying a pregnan..... oh my god no!! A pregnancy test!?NO NO AND FUCKING NO! There's no way! No way!Oh god please let it not be that, please!This would ruin everything for Grayson and me!I let a week pass and still nothing! The throwing up, sudden mood changes, and food craving, food that I don't even like I started to crave, tiredness. This shit was getting too real and I was getting really scared with each minute that passed.I haven't said anything to Grayson because I don't want to worry him, plus I hope this is just a false alarm and I'm just having some sort of sickness or something.But this thought of being pregnant messes my head up and I want to know an answer I don't want to keep going with the "maybes" because if I do imma end up in a mental health hospital. I haven't slept in like 3 days straight just thinking about the possibility of me being pregnant, this is just killing me.Today I decided to go to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test, if it comes out negative then god saved my ass but if it's positive I don't know what I'm going to do.A baby with Grayson would be great and would be everything I've ever wished for but it's too early! I'm 16 he's 17 were fucking teenagers we barely even know how to fucking clean our butts how are we going to take care of another human! Plus Grayson has the YouTube thing, he has a dream and a goal and I don't want to be the one ruining it for him, if I'm pregnant that would ruin his everything and that's the least I want to do.I got out of bed put some clothes on, put my hair in a messy bun, grabbed my car keys, and went to the pharmacy it was now time to find out what he future/destiny has in store for me and Grayson.Buying the pregnancy test was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done in my fucking life! The cashier kept giving me a disgusted and sad look which made me feel even worse about this whole situation. I got out the pharmacy as fast as I could, there was no way someone that I might know or that might know my parents or my brother was going to see me at a pharmacy store buying a pregnancy test.I got home and without saying anything to my parents I went straight to my room and locked the door.I took deep breaths in as I started getting the pregnancy test out the box."I can't believe I have a fucking pregnancy test in my hands at the age of 16 " I whispered to myself as tears rolled down my eyes. The thought of having a baby always excited me but I thought and wanted the first time to take a pregnancy test when I was maybe 23, 24 years old, and married with a career. I wanted the pregnancy news to be exciting, not sad, and at 16.I made my way to the bathroom and took the test. When I was done, I placed the test on the counter and waited.Three minutes may seem like nothing to you, but waiting for three minutes to tell you if you're pregnant or not are the three minutes that feel like an eternity, and that makes you go insane!The three minutes passed, my hands being shaky and my breath becoming heavy I grabbed the pregnancy test and looked at it.My heart dropped to the bottom of my ass, I dropped the test to the floor and I fell to the ground and I started crying uncontrollably."No, No, No!" i shook my head as tears rolled down my cheeks "This can't be it, I can't be pregnant No! " I whispered to myself, the tears were unstoppable and the pain in my chest became heavy making it hard for me to breathe "What am I going to say to Grayson !? I can't do this to him! Everything ! His career, our dreams everything is going to shatter" I was bawling my eyes out, I couldn't believe or accept what was happening.