College. What can you say about it? I mean at the moment I just stood in the middle of my dorm room spacing out at the bed across from mine, the boxes and pile of blankets that were all spread out grossly. Which all made me uncomfortable. I wasn't really into the whole college after high school thing, and to be honest with you I wasn't really sure on what I should be. I mean I'm ready to learn and experience these new responsibilities, I'm ready to see how it feels to be an adult. I'm ready to get myself into deep depth. Or am I?
My body was filled with heavy amounts of anxiety, I just wasn't sure what to do with it all. And by just thinking about it was me making more anxious, wanting to puke and just stay on my bed wrapped in blankets. My blankets and pillows were the only thing that had the scent of home, the dorm of course didn't have a smell, it just smelt plain if that makes sense. Just thinking about college and the huge struggles I was about to go through, just how everyone on Twitter says made me more sick. I closed my eyes and started to take small deep breaths, I needed to relax this wasn't a mistake. And I need to understand that.
Soon a small pair of arms wrapped around my waist, causing me to jump a little opening my eyes. Then a small giggle echo through the half empty dorm "Baby aren't you happy?" She asked, I grabbed onto her hands turning myself fully around. Now I stared down at the big brown eyed girl who had freckles spread around her face, I placed my hand over her cheek rubbing my thumb against her soft gentle face.
It was Nova, my girlfriend.
I have her. I shouldn't be anxious, I have her in my life. "Yes of course" I replied with a small smile "just stressed" I sighed, she removed her hands away from mine trailing them over to my shoulders. She gently shake them, pressing her lips together "I can tell, relax" she said before standing on her tippy toes laying a small kiss on the tip of my nose. "Cuddle night?" She asked titling her head to the side, my eyes removed from hers glancing around the room. Could we even cuddle? I questioned myself "baby I'm not sure" I said disappointedly "I'm just not feeling it, I'm -" she interrupted me "Lucas" she groan pulling away from my arms "that wasn't a mistake! Quit overthinking this" she protested, you could hear the frustration in her voice but could she even blame me? We discussed this whole thing during high school and how I wasn't sure what to do but she pressured me on going to college, she didn't want me to fall behind on money she wanted us to be both rich.
"You knew how I felt about this whole thing" I gestured the whole room, she stood with her arms crossed while tapping her foot furiously. I grabbed her shoulders gently leaning in to give her a small kiss but she quickly moved her face away from mine stepping back.
"If I forced you to do this, then leave" she pointed towards the door "break up with me" she says as the room filled with awkward silence.
I was so use to those words falling out of her mouth, they at least needed to come out every month. Just once or twice, we both knew she didn't mean it. And in 5 minutes or less we were going to have some crazy "I'm sorry" sex. It was the normal "toxic" relationship mess we had, I was tired of it because even the sex doesn't even make up for it. But I needed her in my life, she believed in me and influence me to do so much more.
"It's too late now" I whispered stepping back onto my bed, resting on top of it. Her head fell into her hands as she repeatedly shook her head mumbling sorry under her breath.
"I should understand, it's new to you" she whispered walking over to me, sitting on my lap she straddle it beginning to leave kisses down my neck. I groan in frustration placing my hands on her hips bringing her closer towards me, she threw her head back as I kiss down her chest, her fingers tangle in my hair "Lucas" she softly moan, my hands ran down to her ass but were quickly removed after hearing someone clearing their throat by the entrance of the dorm.
I gently shoved her off of me, fixing my shirt to see a tall lanky tan boy standing in the doorway "I'm not allowing this" he shake his finger walking over to his bed "not because I don't have a girlfriend but that was basically soft porn my dudes" he made a disgusted look "I'm into lesbian porn, not straight porn." I licked my lips while staring up at him weirdly not saying a word, he turned around giving me a small smile holding his hand up to me "Edwin" he introduced him "Lucas" I replied back with shaking his hand, he had a firm handshake causing my eyes to lift up. "Business?" I questioned him making the smile grow on his face "hell yeah, what about you?" He asked before I could even speak up again he held his hand up for a pause "teacher!" He excited blurted out, I wasn't sure how to respond since I was going for business as well so I gave him a force smile and an awkward chuckle.
"No business" I embarrassedly replied "oh wow dude" he laughed "work on that handshake" he pointed out before walking over to his bed starting to fix his things, he was slowly starting to hang out gaming poster which brought a bit more color to the plain dorm.
"So we're going to a party tonight-" Nova said before I interrupted her with a face I was making "a party? Already?" I said sounding a bit annoyed. "It's for us new upcoming freshman's" she nudged me softly wiggling her brows, I held a straight face before she proceeded to talk "and we're going at 9 and I'll message you what color I'm wearing so we can coordinate" she squealed clapping her hands, I grabbed his hands gently holding them "baby, we're in college not in high school remember" "Lucas I know" she frowned "well pick me up" she said before leaving the room quickly.
"So that's your wife huh" Edwin crossed his arms, the thought of Nova being my wife forever was a bit scary to imagine. "I guess but I mean things can happened" I shrugged realizing what I said, taking it back "I mean I don't want that to happened because I appreciate her" "she has you one a leash" he laughed "shut up, no she doesn't" I yelled laughing "and where's your girlfriend huh?" "That's why I don't want one" he pointed towards the door "that's gross."
