Jazz played around the room, there was no reaction out of me. I stayed put in my bed and stared at the ceiling, I wasn't what you call "vibing" but more in my feels. Just lost at the very moment, questioning my everyday thoughts.
Is college really this worth it?
"You good?" Edwin concerning asked, I nodded my head letting out a loud sigh.
Edwin chuckle "I feel like you're staying in here too much, and coming from me that says a lot.."
I shrugged, Edwin raised a brow giving me that off look. By his small body language he was making, he was getting annoyed of me.
"You and me and Elliott, let's all go out" he suggested.
I missed Elliott, I needed him more than anything in this world. But I didn't wanna bother him, I didn't wanna seem too clingy but I mean I was aching for him.
"You're not even telling me to turn off the music" he chuckle himself.
I gave him a nice warm smile before turning my body away from us, Elliott scent brushed against my nose. I miss him.
"That's enough, I know those bed sheets smell like nova. We are going to that party Marco invited me to!" He yelled pulling the blanket out of my grip.
"No, you can't do that" I scoffed pulling the blanket back towards me.
-
"If it helps, I'm staying sober so feel free to fill your heart with liquor" Edwin nodded his head before holding a finger up "well... no actually we don't want you to get alcohol poisoning. Frank got that and now the boys laugh about the memory of the paramedics screaming clear.. " he started to shake his head, trying to stop himself from talking even more.
"Enjoy" he shoved me to the kitchen quickly leaving after.
Was this even about nova? No, it's just me overthinking about the whole situation. Did I really break up with someone who was pushing me to my best for someone who hasn't even dropped their girlfriend. Maybe, was it even worth it? I truly don't know.
My whole world was spinning, just someone please pass me the bottle. I don't even wanna think anymore! I don't even wanna be here anymore, here in this party and here in college. I didn't deserve it!
Liquor poured down my throat endless amount of times, I wouldn't stop until everything felt numb or even a blur. I was relaxing, no longer tense up and no longer stress.
Just what I wanted.
"Fuck college" I yelled as the group of people started to clap and cheer. I took another large sip out of the bottle, most of them didn't even belong here. Just like me.
The music continued to play and I moved my way to the crowed living-room floor, letting loose and dancing still with one bottle in my hand.
I closed my eyes for a bit, everything smelled so nasty. I could even breathe, the air felt contaminated with everyone's hot breath. But I wanted to laugh, why was I still here?
I opened my eyes, there stood Elliott with a large grin. His eyes immediately shot down to the bottle "let me have a slip" he yelled, I handed him the bottle while smiling widely. If only he knew how much joy he brought me.
"Kiss me" I yelled over the music, Elliott tilted his head "what?" He yelled while taking another large sip.
"You heard me, kiss me!" I yelled again but this time I stepped closer, he started to shake his head "lucas no, kaz is here."
"I don't care" I mumble with sad eyes, I didn't give him a chance to respond I just left the living room with embarrassment.
I made my way back to the kitchen "I need a new bottle" I laughed as the group of girls giggled "another bottle? I bet you can't chug it" "say I won't!" I replied smiling while holding it against my lips, but it was then pushed away by Elliott "not today, you're going to regret this tomorrow."
Im wondering if I was glowing at this very moment, or giving him the whole heart eyes look.
I threw my arm around him "I think he has the most dreamy eyes" I blurted out "I think all of you can agree with me" "I don't" he sighed.
"He's the most handsome guy in this whole world" I smiled, he just smiled shaking his head "he's just drunk" he threw it out.
But I meant it.
"The cutest" one girl giggled "my favorite gay couple" she said making us both pause.
"We aren't dating, we both have girlfriends. Just really good friends, that's all" he shrugged.
That's all? I thought.
"I would've thought you two were dating!" Another girl said, Elliott continued to shake his head more "no you should see the way he looks at his girlfriend nova.."
He looked down at me nodding, I nodded my head too "yeah she's amazing" I faked chuckle "I adore every aspect of her" I lied more.
"That's so cute" the girls awh together, I smiled nodding my head "it is!"
"I just remembered that I have some essay" I faked sighed "I need to get going, college sucks!" I rushed out of the kitchen.
Was that obvious?
I pushed my way through the small crowds and made myself out of the house, after taking a good breath of the good fresh air. I sent Edwin a quick message that I was leaving.
This made things worse, maybe im being dramatic.
"Lucas what's wrong?" Elliott asked while jogging over to me. Did he really question that? "Nothing" I bluntly replied scratching the back of my neck.
"We're hiding our relationship this isn't brand new to you" he sighed. "I know, just that we haven't spoke in so long and I just I miss you" I blurted out, my eyes were starting to close and I felt like puking but I continued to walk.
There was once again that awkward silence that filled the air. Nasty.
"I'm sorry" I added as he let out a loud sigh after my response. Just Shut Up Lucas.
"This whole forbidden love thing was fun at first but I'm tired of it , I broke up with nova" "I know" he replied "what about you?" I asked.
"Lucas it's going to be hard for me, kaz and I been together for a very long time" he stared at the floor, I scrunched up my eyebrows "nova and I had everything she even had our future planned, it was hard for me but you mean the world to me. I did it for you! I love you!"
"Lucas you're drunk!" He responded "what about our forever?"I asked. I was no longer drunk "Lucas you're drunk" he repeated.
"Just forget it, I can't believe myself! I'm just another one of your toys!" My heart shattered "I don't wanna hear from you from you for a bit, just leave me alone"
"Hear me out" he said "no."I left walking "you always use that stupid excuse" I rolled my eyes as I begin to mimic him "hear me out" I quoted with doing quotations in the air.
