{Denial} BakuDeku

Chapter 11 ["Worse"]

———

It was a strange feeling, walking alone. Katsuki had been doing it for years, but then Deku arrived- and his whole schedule got flipped.

Outings on Saturday nights at that one Katsudon place- or if Katsuki wasn't feeling it, they'd just go to that one shit coffee shop and pass out on the dingy tables, waking up to scratchy blankets on their shoulders from the owner.

She was a small lady, American with getting hairs and a permanent grin resting on her face. 'You boys look tired. U.A.? That's amazing. Keep it up, but don't stay up late.'

The advice wasn't needed, but Izuku always expressed his gratitude while Bakugou scoffed behind him.

Now..

It was empty. Too empty. Katsuki felt hollow, body feeling like lead after training. Aizawa has always been relentless, but with Izuku, it was bearable.

But Izuku wasn't here.

No. He was with round cheeks.

(Familiar anger made his fists shook. Katsuki knows it's selfish, but sometimes, he wishes that Deku's smile was only directed to him.

He won't hurt his friends. It'll just end up with either an argument or a suspension- and he can't afford to lag behind.)

———

Katsuki shoves his bag in the corner, sigh drawing from his lips as he sprawls on his bed. His muscles were still tense, bunched up but Izuku wasn't there to soothe him, gentle hands rubbing at his shoulder blades, straddling Katsuki's waist.

'Don't push too hard,' he would always chose Katsuki. 'You'll strain yourself, Kacchan.'

Katsuki squeezes his pillow when the familiar warm fuzz blooms in his chest.

(He wants to rip his heart out.)

The spice of cinnamon and the tang of apple juice. Evidently, Izuku had eaten a snack before they kissed, and he tasted sweet- delectable.

Izuku.. Izuku was home. He's the warm hugs and gentle fluttery kisses that makes Katsuki's heart leap.

But this wasn't normal. It's the complete opposite.

It was weird, strange, it felt good even if it threw you in a loop.

But..

It was fucking disgusting.

Dirty. Katsuki's hands curled with the familiar anger, until his pillow bunched up, and maybe, he can burn these feelings to ashes before they get out of hand.

————

"Kacchan."

Demanding. Final.

Katsuki froze. Izuku hadn't used that tone in a long time. Not since-

"Kacchan please, talk to me."

This tone was more pleading, softer. Bakugou has always been weak towards Izuku, he'd do anything for him.

But..

He clicked the lock shut and ran to the bathroom, emptying his stomach because he felt sick, so sick. He can't believe he just rejected Izuku just like that.

"Kacchan."

And Katsuki flinched because the voice was far more closer.

Personal.

And right behind him.

Katsuki whips around, and Izuku was there, leaning by the doorway, edge of his shirt clenched in his fists and eyes averted.

"H.. How.."

"You gave me a key, Kacchan." Light tone but heavy all the same. They stared at each other under the flickering fluorescent bathroom lights.

"Can.. Can we talk?"

And Katsuki's weak once again.

"Okay."
————

It was awkward, like this.

Sitting face to face on Katsuki's bed after the whole ordeal. But..

Izuku tentatively looked at Bakugou from underneath his eyelashes, squeezing the soft blankets as nervousness sloshed around like a jumbled mess inside his heart. Kacchan wasn't looking at him, red eyes seemed to be intently focused on his own lap.

".. Kacchan-"

He was cut short immediately when Katsuki bowed his head, hands clenched into fists.

".. Deku."

Izuku shuttered. "Kacchan-?"

Katsuki looked up at him, face pulled into a frown as he reaches out to grab Izuku's wrist, tugging him until his scarred hand cupped his cheek. A familiar gesture of warmth-

"Hit me."

"K-KACCHAN!?" He hopes he was joking, but it wasn't funny, no. Not at all. Izuku can't hit Kacchan, he physically can't- it'll hurt him more.

But Katsuki's face was serious.

"Hit. Me."

Izuku's heart was jackrabbiting, thumping painfully against his chest.

"W.. Why?" He asks, sounding helplessly confused. "Why should I hit you!?" Hysterical. "A-are you crazy!? I don't wanna hit you! No!"

Bakugou bares his teeth, eyes clenched shut.

"DO IT!" He barked, and Izuku shook his head adamantly, trying to tug his wrist away from Katsuki's relentless grip, feet kicking at the mattress.

"No!"

"Fucking Deku! Do it! Now! I deserve it!"

Tears formed in his eyes. Kacchan's acting weird! No! No no! He doesn't wanna hit his best friend! It's wrong, so wrong! Please, please stop!

"I DON'T WANT TO!" He wailed, tears finally dripping down his cheeks and only then did Katsuki snap out of it. His eyes widen, flurry of emotions flitting on his face.

(What have you done?)

"Deku-"

"I don't wanna hit Kacchan! I don't! Please! Please don't make me!" His words were frenzied, tugging vehemently at his arm in Kacchan's grip.

Only then did a notice it. There were bruises from him.

Bruises from his own grip on Izuku.

He hurt him.

He hurt Deku.

God. What was wrong with him?

"Izuku-"

"Please, Kacchan, please don't make me, I don't wanna be like him-" (Hisashi, a monster-) "-I d-don't-"

A rough hand cups the back of Izuku's neck, and it was warm.

Suddenly, he can breathe again, hiccuping through tears and Katsuki help him close, real close, and he felt so sorry.

"Izuku, Izuku." Gentle touches on his neck. "You don't have to hit me. Sorry I grabbed you like that. Shit, I'm so fucking sorry."

His wrist throbbed, But Kacchan held him so close that he felt like he was floating in the clouds. He wasn't avoiding Izuku, and even if he hurt him, he should be grateful all the same and that's all that mattered because Kacchan wasn't pushing him away anymore.

He could easily hide it with bandages.

A kiss on his forehead and Izuku's heart stopped for a split second, blood rushing up to his cheeks at the gesture.

Kacchan.. Kacchan kissed him.

"Kacchan.." he whines, and he feels Katsuki's deep chuckle vibrate in his chest.

"Sleep, 'kay? I'm goin' go out to buy Katsudon-"

"Stay.. Please stay."

And Katsuki listened, hand delicately brushing on his freckled cheek.

"Okay."