bite [my.pj]

ch. 2

I am too skinny. Way too skinny. Why couldn't I be cute and chubby like the new next door neighbor? He was really cute. I shouldn't be thinking such things considering I have a boyfriend but what can I say, I get shy around pretty boys. Speaking of said pretty boy, he was currently mowing his lawn and holy shit.

I couldn't help myself, I had to watch. He was chubby but damn did he have abs. Like damn. I look down at my own stomach, frowning, I just see my ribs, why didn't I have abs like that? I pout and sit on my desk chair. I wanted to be healthy like him, but instead here I am just pure skin and bones and I hate it so much.

People think I have an eating disorder but I promise them I don't. I just can't seem to gain weight for the life of me. I try eating seconds as much as I can. I never get sick or anything. My mom tells me I'm a pig but I know I am most certainly not. Not with this body. It makes me wish I was a pig sometimes, which is kind of fucked up. There are people in this world who wish to be my size but I can't process the reason as to why. Everyone is beautiful in any shape or size. It's not like I think I'm not beautiful, I think I am fairly attractive, I just needs to add a little meat to my plate.

I tried asking my mom to take me to the doctors, but she never wants to take me. She said I deserve whatever I may have, but I beg to differ. It's not like I've done anything wrong. At least I don't think I have.

Shivering violently, I may make my way out of my room quietly, trying to avoid my hyung as much as possible. He was so mean to me, told me things that no one should ever tell a younger sibling. However I am able to ignore his remarks well, I just get annoyed with him being all up in my personal space. As I make my way down to the kitchen to grab some chips, the home phone rings. I answered it.

"Min's residence."

"Hello, is this Min Yoongi?"

"Yes..."

"Hello, this is the fat club committee, you have been selected by a student in your high school to participate in our club! It's a safe place for us overweight people where no judging will occ-"

I slammed the phone down on the floor. What the fuck was that? Who did that? I was about to stomp up to my room when my brother appeared right in front of me.

"Like the little call you received?" So it was him.

"Why would you do that? I'm not even fat." I'm not right?

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?" He shoves me to the nearest bathroom, turning the light on.

"Just look at yourself Yoongi, see that fat on your arms? and your stomach? It's no wonder that Namjoon doesn't truly love you." I take a closer look in the mirror and see nothing wrong except the fact that I am still too skinny and need to gain more.

"That's bullshit hyung, he does love me, and I am not fat at all. Maybe you should look in the mirror." I say angrily, speed walking up to my room and slamming the door shut. I hate him.

"Eomma, don't you think Yoongi has put on some weight? That's bad right?" I roll my eyes at his stupid statement. My mom doesn't love me, but she hates my brother's stupidity even more.

"Yes he has, almost a little too much." My eyes widen and I drop my fork, looking at my mother with bewilderment. My brother is smirking at me. This doesn't make any sense?

"But eomma, isn't that a good thing? I looked like I was dying before." She just shrugs and continues to eat. I look down at my own food, deciding to continue to eat it as well. I am not fat, that's ridiculous. I bet Namjoon and Hoseok would agree with me too. Hell Taehyung would too.

I quickly finish my food and rush back up to my room after doing the dishes. I jump on my bed and get comfy.

It's days like these where I think the most.

Why does he keep calling me fat? Why did my mom agree with him? Maybe she was joking. Yeah, she was definitely joking. Right? I pull out my laptop and search up pictures of fat people. I don't look like that, do I? I saw an American show called My 600 lb Life and damn do these people look scary. It makes me sad for them, but is that what people think of me as? I've been told I've had anorexia when I definitely don't so I'm sure that's not the case. My brother is so dumb. Just trying to work me up that's all. I close my laptop and put it back on my desk. I see some sheets of music laying around and I pick them up, reading each note carefully.

I don't know why I write music. It's not like I have any instruments to play them on. Although I do play the piano at my school sometimes because the fine arts teachers allow me to. They pitied me and I hated that.

Returning back to my bed, almost falling to the floor due to the sudden dizziness, I lay back down slowly. I brings the covers up to me, curling myself within them. It was so warm. I wrap my arms around myself and then drift off, subconsciously scratching at my wrists.

I'm fine.