The Listening

no. 13: dizzy

You sing under your breath
and everything is still.
But everything is moving,
the blinds are shaking,
I am also shaking,
the air is running, running,
the air is running,
the world is turning
the carpet's moving
the couch is tilting
the ceiling's spinning
the walls are shrinking
and I am dizzy.

You are studying,
I am supposed to be, too,
I am supposed to study.
But everything is moving,
the world is moving,
your back is cracking
your hands are writing
you are studying 
and for the first time in a long time
you are Calm,
and you are still.

You are focused,
hyperfocused.
You are moving
but you are focused.
We are in the kitchen
because your room is a mess
and your mind is a mess
and your heart is a mess
and you are lost,
but you are focused
on your studying.

And you are focused on your studying
because it is all you have
in this moment that is moving
in this dorm that is silent
in this world that is still
in this second that has stopped,
focus is all you have right now
and you cannot let it go.

I am dizzy,
everything is moving
but everything is still
everything is too still,
but it is moving too much
and I am a mess,
and my mind is a mess,
and my heart is a mess,
and I am lost, too.