The Captive (First Book in the Neverland Bound Series)

Chapter 9 (Catherine)

The next morning, I sit on one of the logs surrounding the fire and attempt to keep my gaze away from Pan as he calmly strolls about the boys as they eat, stealing the occasional bite of food and playfully jostling the boys when he's caught.  I can't get the thought of our almost kiss out of my head.  To reassure myself, I keep saying that we were tired and had lost our senses for a moment, but remembering how he had looked at me gives me cause for worry.

I can't fall in love with Peter.  Not again.  It hurt too much the last time after I learned what he had done.  After I had learned that he had betrayed my trust.

I had specifically told him not to harm Lance, and that he hadn't meant to hurt me.  At the time, Pan had agreed not to punish him too harshly and I guess I was satisfied with that.  Later on, however, I learned from one of the other boys that Pan had taken Lance's heart and had drained all the life from it, killing him.  I approached him about it later and he had said that if he didn't dish out a good punishment every now and then, others would begin to believe they could defy him as well.  I had told him that it was a sorry excuse for taking someone's life and, enraged at my comment, he had struck me.

The man had become a monster and I had no choice but to flee.  Ethan had agreed to come with me and to make sure Pan couldn't find us, I erased his memory as well as those of the other Lost Boys so that they would never be able to remember us and wouldn't recognize us if they ever saw us again.  It had hurt so much knowing the magnitude of my actions and how I'd never be able to look them in the eyes again and see recognition register on their faces that I hadn't been able to contain my tears for the first time in years.

Eventually, I was able to escape from Neverland.  My brother hadn't returned to the real world with me because he couldn't imagine living anywhere other than Neverland, we had been here so long.  But I could not stand staying here with Pan being so close by.

I guess Ethan got lonely a while after I left and rejoined Peter and the Lost Boys.  Things have obviously been pretty good considering he is now Pan's right hand man.

Throughout the entire experience, however, I learned a very valuable lesson.  You can't place your trust in others because they will only end up letting you down and eventually you'll end up getting hurt.

The thought brings tears to my eyes and I feel a lump form in my throat.  I force my emotions down refusing to let them show.  I refuse to cry over him again.

I feel a set of eyes on me and I glance up.  Pan's eyes meet mine and I see that he has a concerned look on his face.  I quickly look away, thankful when I see Michael Darling coming over to sit with me.  He is a sweet boy and his brother is a bit shy but otherwise is very kind.  I remember both of them from the last time I was here and I think that deep down, they sense that they know me from somewhere.  I think this is why they, along with some of the other boys that I recognize, have warmed up to me so quickly.  I vaguely remember that the Darling brothers had a sister, Wendy, I think is what they called her, but she left so early on due to homesickness and fright that I can't be sure.  Her departure certainly supported the fact that Neverland isn't a place for the faint-hearted.

"What cha thinkin' 'bout, Cat?" he asks me sweetly.  I can't help but smile at my new nickname.  Apparently 'Catherine' is too difficult for some of the younger boys to say, so Michael asked if they could call me 'Cat.'  He had asked so innocently that my heart practically melted and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him no.

"Oh, nothing that important.  Just daydreaming I guess," I reply, smiling at him.

"Well, what were ya dreamin' 'bout?" he asks, curiosity filling all his features.

"About something that happened to me before Pan brought me here," I reply with a half-truth.

"Was it sad?  Because you looked kind of sad.  That's why I came over here.  I wanted to see what was wrong so I could try and make you happy again," he explains, looking up at me with those large brown eyes.