Running With Scissors

*Insert Corny Title Here*

The main difference between Western philosophy and its Eastern counterpart is that the west tends to be more preoccupied with thinking and cataloging the why, when, who, and what of any given situation, while the east is mostly focused on how not to die while the thing is happening in the first place.

Eastern philosophy doesn't go into lengthy debates on why we are alive, and what is the meaning of such aliveness, but rather, it focuses on how to live said lives to the fullest. Since most Eastern philosophers lived astoundingly long and productive lives, we concur that they might've been onto something.

Eastern philosophers managed such feat by accepting a simple fact that Western philosophy still struggles to this day: life is shitty, plain and simple.

Our lives are full of misery and sadness, money is never enough, you will work yourself until you die—which is most likely alone—and it doesn't matter how famous you are, as you will most likely end up being eaten by vermin six feet under. Happy birthday.

But while Western philosophers make this pain a central part of their philosophy as something to get around of, Eastern philosophers use this everlasting suffering as a backdrop to highlight the brief nuggets of goodness and happiness that make it all worth living.

Those nuggets can come from the feeling you get when the sun warms you in a cold, winter day, or that one time that bitch Brenda from work had a piece of toilet paper stuck to her heel the whole time the regional manager was scolding her for parking in the handicapped spot. It's the little things in life that count.

As such, Eastern philosophy might be the only branch of human thinking that favors the idiots over the intellectuals.

Not to say that Eastern philosophy is built for dumbasses—although that one time your roommate went to Nepal and wouldn't shut up about it for three months might've persuaded you otherwise—but mostly because it favors those who can clear their minds of any thoughts and seize the moment for what it is.

One of the most noteworthy concepts that came from this school of thought was Wu Wei—or "non-doing"—which is actually a hard thing to do, or not do, depending of what you're doing. It involves letting go of every distracting thought and using every ounce of your mind, not to concentrate, but to feel the moment. To get "in the zone," to use a more timely reference.

When clearing a task, one must feel the environment, and what is needed at the moment. If a person is one with the situation, their actions become instinctual in nature, and they can make better judgements as such. Intellectuals can find this practice rather tiring, since their mind is always racing with ideas and theories and how to word that perfect tweet about how much of a bitch Brenda is.

But for a dumbass like Peter Katz, clearing his head was second nature. In fact, we can say that there was no better moment for Peter to practice Wu Wei like the present moment, since he didn't know the why, when, who or what of his situation, and was mostly keen on figuring out how to stay alive while said situation was happening.

Incidentally, "The Situation" was Peter's favorite "Jersey Shore" character. And now Peter began to think about Jersey Shore.

It was in the middle of an inner rant about how Snooki was the most overrated cast member when the armored car he was in came to a stop.

"Are there yet?" asked a very naked and confused Massimo. There was a horse mask taped to his head, which oddly made him more endearing in Peter's eyes. Or at least it would have, had he not been cuffed to Massimo the whole four-hour drive, and he was sweating—a lot. It smelled like garlic and olive oil.

"Seems like it," said Peter, scratching his leg with his foot.

"Lawyer man, Massimo am bit scared," said the man, putting his head down in defeat, which looked incredibly silly in a horse mask. "Mask makes so that Massimo no see, and Massimo are very claustrophobic."