The Day They Disappeared

Chapter 18

 Dear Diary,

I've played it over and over again in my mind. The entire situation. Everything.

I've thought up a million and one different ways to do my final bang, my grand finale.

None of them are good enough.

None of them.

I really do want this all to end but I'm not about to spend the rest of my life in a prison cell with people screaming profanities at me and banging my head off of the bathroom sinks. I don't want to end up in a psychiatric ward with my arms and legs strapped to a table while other psychopaths disguised as medics poke and prod to try and understand what's going on inside of my mind.

I'm not even sure I know what's going on inside of my head if I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I think thoughts that aren't really my own. Sometimes I say words that aren't really my own words. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see somebody that isn't really me. I don't even think I know who I am.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense.

I don't know who I am.

That's it.

~~~~

"Can you please come over? Just spend the night. I don't feel safe, especially after sneaking into Brian's house."

I sighed on my end of the phone and reluctantly agreed to Ali's pleading request.

"Good, great, thanks Will."

"Sure thi--" the line went dead before I could even finish my statement.

I sauntered to the kitchen and pulled out a small notepad and pen from a drawer by the refrigerator. I wrote out a small note to my parents saying that I would be staying the night at Ali's again and that I would call in the morning before coming home.

I packed myself a small bag of essentials and made my way, on foot, over to Ali's house.

~~~~

The door opened swiftly and quickly right as I raised my hand to knock.

"I was looking out the window and saw you coming down the street. Is that weird? I'm sorry."

I shook the uneasiness from her statement off. "Not at all. Are you okay?"

"Just scared."

"There is no reason to be scared, Ali. We went over this already. Brian is not the one."

"But what if he is?"

I raised my voice slightly but it was enough to sound menacing. "Ali! He is not the one!"

Ali cowered away from me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice."

"No, it's fine." Ali began to make her way up the stairs.

I followed her. "I'm gonna use your bathroom real quick."

She nodded, opening the door to her room. "Alright."

I walked quietly over to the room across from her's and shut the door just as silently, locking it behind me. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror and paused my train of thought for just a moment.

Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to go against the trust somebody had built with me?

I stared back at my own eyes in the mirror and felt the answer to those questions shaking me to my very core.

"You have to do this," I whispered to myself.

I looked away from my reflection and began to open drawers beneath the sink. I found nothing but bathroom cleaners and some hair brushes. I sighed and thought for a moment about how I was going to get Ali away from her room long enough for me to search it.