I Have To Love Myself First | KiriBaku

[8]⚠Trigger Warning⚠

⚠Mentions of self hatred and negative thoughts⚠

A/N sorry that this chapter is so...angsty? I was just in the mood for some sad shit.

3rd POV

Kirishima was tidying the dorm from the remains of Bakugos little birthday sleepover that happened last night. All the other three teens had already left after Bakugo practically chased Mina out of the dorms for snatching a picture of the red head and blonde. Bakugo was down in the common area taking a shower as Kirishima stayed in Bakugos' dorm and kept cleaning. The red head picked one last thing up off the floor and chucked it in the trash can settled in the corner of the room. With one huff, he plopped onto Bakugos' bed, wipping away the small beads of sweat stuck to his forehead with his sleeve. Kirishima sat there for a moment, taking in the scent of the room- it smelled just like Bakugo. His tired and weak limbs sunk into the plush comfort of the ash blondes bead. Kirishimas euphoric moment was interupted by dreadful hunger pains. He clenched his stomach tightly, rolling over to his side and curling into a ball. Tears clung onto the corner of his eyes, he had never felt pain this bad before. A small sob bubbled in his throat, the strike of hunger felt like it was going on forever. The red head started to sweat from the amount of stress. He knew he would experience pain this bad at some point, but he kept doing his bad habits. Kirishima was always reaching for a specific goal, but as the days went on, it felt like that goal was getting farther out of his reach. Even when he did reach his goal, he made a new one, or found another thing he hated about himself that he would scrutinize over. It was never enough. He was never enough. And he didn't think he would ever be.

He really hated himself in this moment. Kirishima had told Bakugo he was going to get better, even though he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He couldn't be strong enough, he lied to Bakugo, throwing up his food when the ash blonde wasn't around, only eating some of the food the other boy gave him and then hiding it somewhere in his room, for days. It was all a lie. He wasn't getting better, he was only getting worse. Only Kirishima knew that. The red head had become so good at hiding things and lying, he couldn't even tell his own lies apart from the truth anymore. But lying was easy, it was the only thing he really knew well. Kirishima wanted to get better, he truly did, but he was so far deep in his own hole, he didn't know if he could ever escape it, even with help. Laying down in Bakugos' bed, all alone, cold and hungry, no, starving, he was wondering if he had finally, actually given up. Kirishima felt absolutely and utterly pathetic.

I am pathetic. Bakugo probably doesn't even like me- or even care about me in the slightest. All of the things he does and is doing for me is only out of...pity. I am only weighing him down and putting a huge burden on him with my stupid fucking problems that I put myself in, in the first place. It's my whole fault that I'm stuck in this shit show, so I should be the only one to deal with my problems. I can't take this anymore I just want to be happy. Why can't I be happy for more than five goddamm minutes in my life! Is it really that hard? I just want to be happy, I just want this to be over.

Kirishima stayed there, sobs racking his body, his hands, arms, and fingers trembling as they tugged at the strands of red hair on his head. For a solid five minutes, it felt like he was stuck in that position. He couldn't just lay there and have a fucking metal break down in Bakugos' room, he didn't want to disturb or bother him. So he stood up from the bed, his legs and knees wobbly as he walked over to and out the door. Kirishima went into his dorm and slid down the door as soon as he closed it. His clothes were hugging his skin, making him feel clammy and itchy. He ripped them off without hesitation. Kirishima scrambled over to his mirror, his red, glossy eyes scanning over his body in disgust. The red head pinched his arms, legs and anywhere on his body where he thought he saw fat. He saw his collarbone, faint ribs and even a thigh gap. But it wasn't enough. He continued crying, wanting to fucking smash the mirror in front of him.

Bakugo came back from the showers, his hair damp and sticking every which way. He walked in expecting to see Kirishima, but was a little disappointed when he wasn't there. "Hey shitty hair-...oh..." Bakugo looked around his room, surprised to see how clean it was compared to last night, he didn't expect Kirishima to do this much work. Kirishima probably went back to his dorm to tidy himself up just like Bakugo did, so the ash blonde decided to not bother him for a bit and relax. He sat on his bed, bringing an xbox controller with him. Bakugo thought it probably wouldn't hurt to play games and shit for an hour or so.

Bakugo set down his controller next to him, rubbing at his temples. Those stupid fucking games where making him frustrated and giving him a headache. He looked on it phone, it had only been 30 minutes, but he decided to wouldn't hurt to send Kirishima a text.

KING.EXPLOSION
Hey, shit for brains.
12:03 am

Kirishima was curled up on his bed when he heard his phone ding. Despite being completely out of it and wanting to stay asleep in his bed forever, he reached over for his phone on the nightstand. It was a text from... Bakugo. He ignored it, he didn't have enough energy to really deal with anything right now anyways....

KING.EXPLOSION
Hey, shit for brains.
Seen

Bakugo furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance, if Kirishima was going to be like that, than fine, he'll just leave him alone until he responds.

1083 words
Edited

A/N again, im sorry for this being so angsty T_T