Will you hold me? | cavetown

16 - 10 feet tall

November 3rd (Tuesday)

For the past few days we've literally both been cuddled up in bed together. I have no energy or desire to leave my bed. The sheets really need to be cleaned and I still need to shower and sort my hair out. Why is living so exhausting?

My hallucinations are getting worse and most of the time there are voices following me around inside my head. I'm just going to have to go to the doctors again.

Ray had managed to coax me out of bed to go and eat a little bit of breakfast so we were currently eating coco pops. Aka the best cereal there is. And I'm willing to fight you on that, but maybe not right now considering where my head is at.

I dragged myself upstairs and decided to sit in my chair in the corner of my room. "Do you want to clean the sheets?" Ray asks as he entered into my room with my medication and water in his hand. "Sure." I reply swallowing the pill and slowly hearing the voices return. This is going to be another great day!

We were now cuddled in a clean smelling bed and let me tell you, it's my new favourite thing. I got Netflix up on my tv and we watched an extreme amount of shows until it was lunch time.

"Let's go out for food?" He asked me once the show we were watching came to an end. "I don't know..." I say sceptically. "Come onnnn. I want McDonald's," he whines. "Okayyy. Let me get changed." I reply as I slowly get out of bed and walk over to my wardrobe.

And this is how I found myself in a McDonald's drive through twenty minutes later. I ended up just getting a McFlurry because I'm not really hungry but once we got all our food Ray drove us to the park near my house to eat.

We had both finished our food and were laying on the top of the climbing frame while we were holding hands. "I've got to go home tomorrow Claire." He says quietly, moving a little closer to me. "I'm coming with you." I respond. "I don't think that's a good idea baby." He says locking eyes with me. "I do." I respond. "There's no way I'm leaving you." I add quietly. "We're back at college really soon, come on I don't think it's a good idea for you Claire." He says as he shifts himself up on his arms, consequently letting my hand go in the process.

"I'm coming either way." I say sternly. "Claire you're really stubborn, you know that don't you?" "Of course I do, but you wouldn't like me if I wasn't stubborn so don't even try me." I respond wittily. "Oh I wanna try you alright, give me the rest of your McFlurry." He says putting his hand out towards me. I slowly hand over my ice cream and watch him finish it all quickly.

And just like that we were back in my clean bed laying next to one another. I really don't want him to go tomorrow and if he does then I'm going with him. I never want to hallucinate about him again. I wrapped myself around him and he pulled me closer. I guess we need each other more then we both care to admit.

"I think we need to go to A&E Ray." I state as the voices in my head are telling me I should do extremely bad things to myself. "Okay, I'll go get my shoes on." He replies as if this is the most normal situation to be in. Meanwhile I want out and I want out now.

And that's how we ended up at the hospital.