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Zarinna fiddled with the ballpen she held as she stared afar, her focus now drawn to the window of her room instead of the pile of papers she was currently grading. She couldn't resist the apprehension bubble up from her core as she heard Gina's invitation ring in her head over and over again.
Would you like to visit our church?
She drew in a sharp breath, returning her gaze towards the papers before her, trying her best to summon the necessary concentration to finish her task. Her gaze trailed through the writings in the paper, her brow creasing as she tried to read the almost indecipherable penmanship, yet she found her efforts unfruitful. Zarinna let go of the pen in frustration, breaking the silence that filled the room as it fell to the wooden floor.
Groaning, Zarinna abrasively let go of the papers, leaning her back against the chair as she released a tired sigh. Gina's invitation just wouldn't leave her mind, and Zarinna couldn't help but remain still as she pondered on the idea. Am I ready to go to church again? She questioned in silence, Would God even accept me?
Zarinna bit her lip as she thought of the heart-wrenching idea. What would I do with my life without God? She sucked in a breath, resisting the tears that slowly welled upon her eyes.
The pain she felt only seemed to multiply as memories of Nathan invaded her thoughts. Her palms clenched into fists, the struggle in her heart manifesting in the physical realm. Zarinna suddenly felt the urge to scream, to somehow do something to remove everything that she feels for Nathan.
Why!? Her mind screamed, Why me?
She hated the fact that she had fallen in love with a man she could never have, she hated the fact that every single part of her desired him, and she hated herself for not having the ability to do something about it. Zarinna longed for God, her being comes alive at the very mention of His Name, but her heart was torn, strung to someone in a sinful way.
"Oh, God..." She began to sob, the emptiness in her heart again taking dominance over her being. "Please... " Whimpers of despair preceded her words, Zarinna didn't know what to ask for, she didn't know whether God would hear from such an adulterer as her.
The story she read in the Bible of the woman who was caught in adultery flashed in her mind. At that time, Jesus showed nothing but compassion and forgiveness, the woman was forgiven and was set free. It was an amazing story, but why was it so hard to believe it was possible in her life as well? Why does it seem as though... it was a thing impossible for her situation? Tears flowed from her eyes incessantly, the pain squeezing her heart until it seemed as though she couldn't take another breath.
"Jesus..." She breathed, "P-please make a way..."
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