Please Don't Change

Chapter 5 - Kai

I can't do it. I can't move on. The entire time I was kissing Jewelle I was wishing it was Greyson. Ugh. What am I gonna do? I love Greyson but she's gone, I promised I wouldn't put anyone in her spot. I gotta clear my head. I ride out to 3rd Street pulling up to Greyson's parents house. I gotta clear my head. I get out of my car locking he doors behind me. The neighborhood ain't bad it's just late and Ya never know wassup round here.

I walk up on the porch doing my signature knock on the door. I hear Greyson's mutha coming to the door.

"Just a minute Kai !" She unlocks the door and lets me in. She gives me a hug and just smiles at me.

"Hey beautiful how you been?" I love Greyson's mother.

"I'm fine baby, how you been?"

"I been good, chilling... Getting over senior year. Ya know, the basic stuff."

"Thats good baby! I know this year is important to you. But whats on ya mind that you over her so late?"

"Well I wanted to go to Greyson's room for a minute and clear my head but honestly I just need someone to talk to." she looks at me with a smile

"Go on up there and when you're done come talk to me. Get your head together and then we can talk. You want something to eat? I didn't know if you were coming over so I saved you a plate anyway." Man she always looking out for me. I love this woman like my own mother.

"Thank You but I just ate Hibachi. I'll take the plate home tho. I know Ima get hungry in the middle of the night and I could never get enough of your cooking."

"Girl go on. Don't amp me up this time a night."

"Aha you know I wasn't trying to mama. Where pops at?"

"He up in the bed sleeping. He aint been feeling to well lately." She looks at the floor with a look of stress. I put my hand under her chin lifting her head.

"Its gone be okay mama." I hug her and run up to Greyson's room.

Immediately the smell of her overwhelms me. I go to her bed and lay down looking up at the ceiling holding the bear I won her on our first date to the carnival. Damn I really can't believe she's gone. I miss her. I really wish I could hold her one last time or kiss her one last time. Jewelle could never be Greyson. I couldn't even kiss Jewelle without imagining she was Greyson. Im torn. I love Greyson but my heart is tired of hurting. I want love. I want someone to tell me they love me like she did. I wanna be able to send cute texts to someone like I did to Greyson. I know I can't replace her because she my original first love but I need someone to care like she cared. Ugh. I can't do this.

I get up and go to Greyson's desk. I grab a letter and walk to the end of her bed.

Greyson wrote letters to me while she was sick. I decided not to read them all at one time but occasionally when I came over to visit.

In the beginning I didn't even know she was sick. She looked so normal. So cute and adorable. But turns out she was hurting. She was in pain and I couldn't fix it. I cried when I first found out. I remember rushing over and holding her begging her not to leave me. She promised she wouldn't leave me without saying goodbye. I cried for the longest time on her shoulder.

I opened the letter, sitting on the floor indian style and began to read:

Dear Kai (My Amazing Girlfriend),

God knows I love you with everything in me girl. Im laying here in this hospital bed missing you like crazy. I'm sorry I'm putting you through all of this. I really didn't think you would matter this much to me or me matter so much to you. I know I could text you all of this but I feel like this will have so much more meaning when I leave. I wish I wasn't sick so we could live happily ever after.

I wish I could be the mother to your children, and your wife one day. I know I made you promise not to move on but baby girl I want you to be happy. I want you to find a girl that will be everything you need her to be. Not like me. I can't even stick around for you. Just know I love you and you'll always be in my heart. I'm dying only loving you. I'm dying happy.

You mean everything to me. You know that? I know I'm gonna miss out on all the holidays to come and all of your birthdays... I'm sorry I wont be there in person but just know I'll be there in spirit! Maybe one day when you come to heaven I'll get to be ya girl again.

I don't want you to be sad. I want you to be happy. Be glad im not suffering with the illness anymore. Be happy for me because thats what I want for you. Happiness.

I Love You Kaiden. My Forever & Always. All The Way Til My Casket Drops. I'm YOURS!

Love Grey

-xoxo