Mylidred

4

The food was done brewing. Kerran had persuaded me to wait till we were done cooking, eating and clearing up. I agreed... begrudgingly of course. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was hungry or anything.

He had apparently been making pasta, my favourite. If I wasn't so mad at him, I'd have hugged him, kissed all over his face and told him I loved, like before. But I was mad so...wasn't happening anytime soon.

He'd dished both mine and his, led me to the table, tried to pull out my chair for me too, but I glared at him before he could. He simply smiled a little, dropped my plate in front of me as I sank to my seat and left to get some water.

A part of me felt I was simply being harsh to him. That he'd only tried to protect me. Another part of me reminded me that he might not be the same Kerran I knew. I decided to remain neutral about it. Until I heard all of his reasons, I wouldn't judge. I had promised him already.

He came back to the table, two glasses in his right hand, a jug of water in his left. He placed them both on the table gently and sat down before his food. I stared at him for a while before deciding to stick my fork into the food.

'Thank you.' I muttered before stuffing my mouth with food. I spared him a slight glance, before hastily turning back to my food. He was still staring at me. Like he had since he sat.

'For what?' He asked, genuinely confused. His face was blank, but his stare was calculating, trying to understand. What he was trying to understand, I didn't know.

'For the food', I said looking straight at him before lowering my eyes and continuing. 'And trying to protect me. I should have known you'll have a good reason.'

He nodded slowly, as though he couldn't believe his ears. But I'm very sure he knew I hadn't forgiven him especially because of what I said next. He was probably already expecting it.

'I'm grateful that you tried to protect me. What I don't like, however, was the fact that you took matters into your own hands, choosing to make decisions for the both of us. You didn't even ask me. We could have thought of another way to...'

He cut off my words, 'There was no other way.' His words left no room for discussion on that.

My face and voice grew hard. 'Then you could have at least had the decency to let me know beforehand. Not just vanish into thin air. You don't know how I felt. I thought you hated me overnight. I wondered whether I was good enough for you to even call your friend. I loved you for the sake of all things good. I was in love with you!'

My voice broke at the end and I stiffened the moment I realised what I had confessed.

'Oh my! For the love of Luck, Our Lady, tell me he grew temporarily deaf and he didn't hear what I just said.' I thought.

Although, it seemed as though Lady Luck was on holiday, and no other deity wanted to help me. So I was stuck in the mess I created.

'You were in love with me?' He asked, his eyes searching mine, probably to know if I was lying to him or playing games with him.

He must have known I wasn't. Maybe because of my fidgeting, or the fact I looked away from him and seemed to find the grey walls a very interesting shade of grey. Then the darker grey of the ceiling boards, then the black shiny cupboards... before I decided I'd had enough.

'Enough of this. You owe me an explanation. That's what I came here for, that's what I'll get. The moment we're done eating you can start talking. The previous discussion is over and won't be up for discussion anymore. It never was.' I stated matter-of-factly and made a show of stuffing the delicious pasta in my mouth. It had cooled a bit, so it was a bit easier to eat.

My mind had left the topic and was revolving round the thought of how I missed this idiot, and how I decided I loved his cooking and if I could blackmail him to give me some another day too. Only for the next words to come tumbling out of his mouth.

'I knew. I just couldn't accept it. I didn't see any possibility of you loving me that way in this life or any other. It just seemed so surreal. Especially because of the fact that I was in love with you too. You became priority. All I could think about was you. Making sure no harm came to you.

Do you think I didn't consider finding a way to get to you and tell you of my plans or let you know I was leaving? I considered it. Tossed the idea about in my mind night after night.

I am certain that after I left, you were approached about my whereabouts. You must have told them I was probably at home and they had already checked there so they said I wasn't there, and you should tell them where I was.

I knew that if you had truly known, you'd have tried to lie to them, but you're a horrible liar. My horrible liar. You could never stand to tell a lie. It hurt you too much to.

It was part of why I loved you. But it wouldn't save you in that case. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I would have taken you along if I believed it would be better, but it wouldn't. They'd be after you simply because you knew me. I didn't want it to come to that. So I made sure you had a normal life here.'

I snorted, 'You call being a commander or the body guard to the queen normal?'

'I expected it, but I also expected you to have a family of your own.' He stared questioningly, probably wondering why I didn't. Well I wasn't going to answer that.

He was going to have to live without that knowledge.