Mylidred

5

Our food was gone. We had eaten in silence. I got up to clear the plates off the table. He tilted his head to the left, the way he normally did when he was confused. Like he was listening to something in the silence that I couldn't hear. He always looked cute when he cocked his head like that. 

What was I saying? I didn't care about his twinkly grey eyes as whatever intelligent thought he was having ran through his head. He was always the intelligent one when we were younger. I was definitely not attracted to the view of him running his hands through his hair, blowing out a frustrated breath. I was not attracted to the sight of his piercing riddled ears, or the snakebite piercing on his lower lip, or the one on his nose.

And I honestly, honestly did not think his signature black leather jacket and jeans made him look like a very hot punk gangster. Not that I stared long enough to notice anyways... No, I was not attracted to him. 

'Lies...' A voice in my head echoed.

I had begun giving such a convincing speech that sounded much like a debate in my head to disprove it. " I support the belief that looks could be deceiving, considering he had been staring at me like he wanted nothing more than to erase all of the pain from those years, but then I implore you, Ladies at the head table, to consider this, who's to say he won't run away again." No really, stop for a second and think about it. No one would stop him from running. And he might as well have been here for something else... more important. "

"And there's also the fact, that accepting defeat (that I was attracted to him) would simply have implied that I had come to terms with feelings I had buried 20 feet under every other memory I had of anything in my life. I do not, do feelings. They're a waste of..."

The debate was ongoing, but zoning out of it. I believed I had defended myself enough. I was more focused on Kerran who seemed to be having an internal battle, but probably a more serious one than mine. Seeming to want to tell or ask me something, then changing his mind last minute. 

He finally spoke. His voice was soft, but firm, persuasive, pleading even. "I know you don't believe anything I've said. You don't trust me, and you doubt my true intentions."

Could he listen to thoughts too? What on earth? "I just want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to earn your love and trust back, even it kills me." He smiled. It looked like a genuine heartfelt smile. One that showed he really didn't mind dying to prove to me he was telling the truth. I wanted to just tell him I had forgiven him, so he wouldn't die. But I wouldn't lie and say I believed him because I really didn't. For all I knew, he could be a shapeshifter, pretending to be my Kerran, simply to torment me. I was simply not in the best position to be tormented, so I was not taking any chances.

I gave a curt nod. He gave one back probably understanding the situation. He gave a light smile, then walked up to me, drying the dishes as I washed. He didn't try to make conversation. I sighed. 

"How were your journeys?" I eventually asked when the silence got to me.

"Boring, I always wished I brought you with me, till I remembered why I didn't. It was really hard. Money finished fast. Food finished fast. Water finished fast. Finding places to sleep was even harder." He shrugged, then continued in a weird tone. 

"No one wanted me. They didn't trust me, and they wanted me out of their towns as fast as possible. They didn't care that I made a honest living, didn't care that I was the Mylidred. Some tried to kill me, Nora. I couldn't have taken you with me. If I had, I don't know what they would have done to you. And I would never have forgiven myself if they did do something to you."

I tilted my head to the left a bit wondering if he really considered me that helpless, even though he had personally taught me to fight. 

"Not that I thought you were defenseless or anything" He scoffed. "Please, I was the one that taught you how to fight. No one can beat you. Well, except, me, and maybe the Queen and her sister. No one else. But they came in large numbers to beat me. In packs of thirty, thinking they could so much as harm me."

He snorted, "As if I haven't tried." I turned sharply to him, hoping I hadn't  heard well. 

"You did what?" I asked. My voice was dangerously low and shaky. I think he got the hint that he was in big trouble. When he didn't answer me, I asked again. My voice was lower, calmer, more steady. "I asked, you did what?"

He had shifted his eyes from mine. He didn't want to look me in the eye. His eyes darted everywhere around the room, refusing to stop when they came to me. "It's getting late, I'm thinking, we should head back, don't you think? They would have been done and waiting for us right now.  The Queen would probably be looking for you right about now. She'll probably see guards after us thinking I kidnapped you and knowing Tania, she wouldn't even try to correct..."

I cut him off. "If I have to repeat myself or you do not answer me, I can swear on all things holy, I'll walk out of here, and never come back. I'll never speak or even go anywhere with you again, and I won't even bother mending our relationship. The ball is in your court now."

I turned back to turn of the faucet seeing we were done with the dishes, and wiped down the sink. I gave him five more minutes. If he didn't talk then, then I was out of here. I was fuming in my mind. 'How dare he?'

'Oh its not like you told yourself you didn't care what happened to him or anything...'  The voice in my mind replied sarcastically.

 'I didn't mean he should die!' I replied in my head.

'Oh ho, now you care.'  Was the snarky response.

'Oh shut. Weren't you the one telling me we were over him leaving and that he didn't care about me anymore, so I shouldn't care about him?' I replied in my head again, getting pissed. I almost didn't hear him call me.

"Nora?" I turned to him with a blank stare. I was fuming, and he knew I was. He couldn't do anything about though, because my anger was directed at him. It wasn't really like I could hurt him though, but I was hurt, and he was the one that hurt me. I guess that hurt him more than anything anyone else could do to him.

"I tried to kill myself." He stated. He didn't even have the courage to look me in the eyes.