lillian dove
- wednesday, september 13, 2019
2:10am
the door opened as i wiped my tears, seeing ethan walk in. "hey, i saw you come up" he spoke quietly, closing the door. "nothing serious" i sniffled, wiping my eyes again.
"are you crying?" he walked over slowly as i shook my head, looking down. "no" i took a long sip of the vodka. ethan sat next to me as i took a deep breath in. "you've been crying, amara" he spoke as he grabbed my hand. ethan laced his hands in mine while i looked at our hands.
i looked at him and he sent me a small, close lip smile. "tell me what's wrong." he said, rubbing thumb on the back of my hand. i inhaled deeply and exhaled a shaky breath. "i just can't stop thinking about everything. things that have lead me up to here. i want to thank you for even taking me in, ethan, even though i didn't do the right way" i chuckled, a tear falling from one of my eyes.
"i'm happy i met you, even though i may be at risk" he said.
"i shouldn't have done this. i should have just gotten arrested and left you alone. you have marks on your wrist from when i tied you up, what's wrong with me? im a fucking psychopath" i freaked out, feeling my breath shortening.
tears filled my eyes as i broke down crying. ethan wrapped his arms around me. "you have good intentions. you're not hurting anyone and wanna change. that's what's important, amara" he held me tightly. i held one of his arms that was around me, in fear.
"i-i keep thinking of anything that's happened to me" i sobbed into his arm. i sat up as i wiped my tears. "i'm so fucking insane" i said. "i'm sitting here, crying like a bitch" i said as i looked at him.
"it's okay to feel" he chuckled as i looked at him.
"can i show you something?" i asked him as he nodded. i sniffled as i lifted up my jacket sleeve on my right arm. "i saw you look at it earlier, but i just panicked and left to avoid the conversation" i said. "can i?" he asked. i nodded then his hand touched the large scar going down my bicep.
"who did this to you?" he whispered. his focus gave me chills and my heart quickened. "it's a long story, but i was going to get something for a friend, and i ran into some trouble along the way" i said.
"why didn't you ask for help?" he asked.
"i was 15, there was a reward for anyone who saw me. this lady saw me and acted like she wanted to help. i was taken to another institution and it was- terrifying" i said, "for what felt like the millionth time, i escaped. they forced meds down my throat and they made me go crazy. they same meds to make me go crazy and not to help" i sad,
"to not help me" i said as he looked at me in fear.
i pulled down my arm sleeve as i sighed. "this one?" ethan asked. i forgot about the one on my thigh and my breathing hitched. "a girl, worse than me, threw it at my leg and the rest was-" i choked up.
"the rest was forgetting" i said.
i lifted up my jacket, looking at the multiple scars on my stomach. "my worse ones yet" i said while ethan looked at my stomach in shock and fear. "my weakest times" i chuckled, filled with hurt.
