Right By Your Side ~ Larry Stylinson

Chapter 11: Secrets

"I don't want nobody to know
I'm in love with you're soul,
but you're hot from your head to your toes
Yeah, make you feel so right when we know it's wrong"
Tyler Ward

"C'mon Lou" Harry coaxed, leaning down to whisper in his ear "if you can make three minutes, I'll let you watch over Skype while I use my vibrator tonight." As Louis' mouth fell open, Harry let his voice drop an octave. "I'll slick it up real..."

"Let's do this" Louis interrupted, voice cracking as he slipped the mask and snorkel on.

Harry chuckled. "See? Just takes the right motivation and we can achieve anything!"

"Shut up and get on with it Curly" Louis replied, trying not to smile – and definitely trying not to picture Harry fucking himself with a vibrator. Whoever said that sleeping with your therapist was bad for your recovery clearly didn't have a therapist like Harry. He could motivate Louis like nobody else could.

They'd been working up to holding his face under the water with a mask and snorkel, trying to stay calm and breathe normally. Once he was comfortable, they'd start snorkelling around the deeper water, but for now, they were in the shallow, just trying to get him to go longer than a minute.

His first attempt had found him almost hyperventilating as he breathed in and out of the snorkel in a panic. The snorkel restricted his breathing, so staying calm was key and he hadn't yet mastered that. He was hoping for three minutes today, and with this new incentive, he was going to do whatever he could to succeed!

He fixed the mask over his face and put the snorkel into his mouth, already feeling the limited access to air. He took a few slow steadying breaths and closed his eyes to focus. When he opened them, he looked over at Harry and nodded – his signal that he was ready to start. Harry held out his hands and Louis took them, Harry supporting him as he lifted his feet off the ground and lowered his face down into the water.

He immediately felt the panic that came with the feeling of being surrounded by water and only having a small amount of air, but concentrated on trying to calm himself. He gripped Harry's hands tightly and could just hear the soothing tones of Harry's voice over the ringing in his ears.

"That's it Lou, slow breaths, you can do it. I'm right here babe."

He forced himself to slow his breathing down, determinedly ignoring the tightness in his chest. It felt like he was struggling for air and he was fighting against the need to yank himself up and pull of the mask and snorkel, freeing his mouth so he could take in gulps of air. He wanted to pull back, to withdraw from the water so badly, but he could hear Harry's voice telling him he was past the first minute, so he told himself to hang on, his breath coming in pants now, his chest starting to burn and tears welling in his eyes inside the mask.

As Harry called out that he'd passed the two minute mark, the tears started to leak into the mask, obscuring his vision. Crying made his throat constrict and he started to become restless with the need to pull back as he fought to breathe. His breath became more shallow and fast-paced as he struggled to hold on, now squeezing Harry's hands in a death grip. At the exact moment Harry was calling out that he'd reached the three minute mark, he was pulling up, ripping the mask and snorkel off and letting out deep wracking sobs as he gasped for air. He could barely register Harry telling him to stay calm, couldn't even focus as the tears kept falling and he struggled for air.

"Lou!" Harry said loudly, his own eyes filling with tears as he watched Louis in pain. "Lou, look at me, look at me babe!"

He turned to Harry, still heavily panting and face wet with tears, but as he looked into Harry's eyes, raw with emotion, he felt himself calming down, becoming grounded just by the sound of Harry's voice and his hands gripping his arms.