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there are many bmw fanfics out there with way. too. much. detail. if things are so overly detailed, readers can get lost real fast and won't understand what's happening. when you describe things (such as a setting) it's best to be short, sweet, and to the point. yes, it's great that you want your reader to visualize the setting/character, but truth is people can't think exactly the same as you. just give enough detail so the reader can have their own (but a similar) idea of what the setting or character looks like. not to mention that too much detail can get really annoying and readers may even lose interest in your fanfic.
let's just say you're writing a part where Cory and Topanga meet up at Chubbie's.
OKAY Topanga opened the door to Chubbie's, a little nervous about her first date with Cory. She looked all around for Cory, but couldn't find him. She walked further in and looked past crowds of people, but there was still no sign of him. She began to worry that she's been stood up, and turned to leave. Just then, she heard a familiar voice calling.
"Topanga, wait!"
She turned around and saw Cory sitting at a booth. How could she have possibly missed him? She sat down across from him and Cory gave her a smile.
"I'm glad you came," he said.
"Me too," Topanga replied with a smile.
NOT OKAY Topanga ran across the busy street filled with people walking, to the entrance of the most popular fast food restaurant Philadelphia has ever been blessed with, Chubbie's. She opened the heavy, wooden door and took a deep breath. Cory had asked her out on a date in class today while Feeny was teaching the class about The Great Depression. Shawn overheard Cory ask her and laughed at him.
"She ain't gonna show up bro," he had said.
But she indeed didshow up. But will he??????
Topanga was extremely nervous. Her heart was beating fast, her face felt hot, her hands were shaking, and she could barely walk. She had never ever been on a date before, unless you count this one time she went to the carnival with a guy named Henry in the seventh grade. But it wasn't necessarily a date, they just went on a few rides together and shared some cotton candy. They didn't even hold hands. As she walked in further, she looked around but couldn't find Cory. There were so many people there and it was hard for her find him with all the people standing around. She saw a couple dancing to the music that was playing, a group of guys sitting in a booth throwing napkins at each other, two girls gossiping about another girl sitting nearby, and some little kids running around the place. She even saw a guy sitting by himself in another booth.
"That's gonna be me," Topanga thought.
She was about to leave, when she heard a voice that sounded really familiar call out her name.
"Topanga!"
She turned and saw Cory sitting at a table, casually dressed in a yellow sweater, light blue jeans, and brown loafers. She was absolutely happy that he actually showed up! She hasn't been this happy since she went to the carnival with her probably was then boyfriend Henry—
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ERRORS
1) there was W A Y too much detail in the second example. i bet some of you didn't even bother to read that one because of how overly detailed it was. nobody cares wtf Feeny was teaching when Cory asked Topanga out, and everyone get nervous so there was no need to describe what all happened when Topanga got nervous; since we all know how it feels.
2) like i said, just make things short and quickly get to the point or your readers WILL get bored or even annoyed. sometimes, a short and simple explanation of things is easier to understand. instead of listing everything someone is wearing, just say something like "she was nicely dressed and she also did her hair." this allows readers to get a little creative by imagining what the character is wearing or how they did their hair. i used to think describing every little thing would make the story much better. it doesn't.
