To Be A Rebel

Chapter 10: Safe And Sound

I continue rocking Adora in my arms, sniffling quietly, trying not to wake her. I hold a book in my hand, one on babies and how to treat them when they're sick. She's not burning like she was a few hours ago, but she's still warm, and she keeps coughing in her sleep. I've been staying in the little nursery right by the coms room, too afraid to leave her in here by herself, but not wanting to take her out with me should she pass whatever it is she has to Sarah, or even some of the adults.

I hear a knock on the door, and it creaks open. I wince, squinting at the sudden light from the hallway that is much brighter than the lamp I have in here.

"Five?" Sam asks, poking his head in. He gives me an apologetic look when he sees Adora in my arms, and I can only guess he hasn't got a good look at my face yet. "Sorry. Uh, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go on a walk with me... or something. Yesterday was kind of hectic with you getting that fuel, so we couldn't-well, I couldn't..."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice thick with tears.

"Well, you know, yesterday." He rubs the back of his neck, looking unsure of what to say. "I mean, I know it's the apocalypse, but we still try to celebrate holidays to, you know, keep morale up. And I-sorry. I haven't actually had to worry about celebrating Valentine's Day with someone in awhile."

I go rigid. "Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah. It was yesterday, but with the fuel retrieval mission-"

"As in February 14th?"

He blinks. "Um, yes."

Guilt slams into my chest, but not because I forgot a holiday. Not really, anyway.

Milo's birthday. I forgot Milo's birthday.

Tears slip past my lashes, and I clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle the sobs. Sam gasps softly, taking a few steps inside the room.

"Hey, it's okay. People forget things. I forgot it, remember? It's not-it's not a big deal-"

"It's not that," I hiccup. "I mean, I feel bad now that you've mentioned it, but yesterday was Milo's birthday and I forgot. I forgot my son's birthday! I am the worst parent ever!"

"No, you're not-"

"I-I know I couldn't have really visited him or anything, but I could've asked Steve to tell him I said happy birthday. Now he probably thinks I forgot. And Adora's sick and I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do and-"

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay," Sam says, taking a small step closer to me, but his words offer me no comfort. "We can go get Maxine and she'll look at her, okay?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because Maxine has Sarah with her and I don't want Adora to pass it to her and then both babies be sick because I couldn't keep Adora healthy."

The look of pity on his face cuts me to the core.

"Five, if Adora's sick, then she needs to see a doctor."

I shake my head. "I already talked to Nicole. She's sent Summer out to get me some-some ose... oseltamivir, I think. She'll be back with it soon. I just-I can't believe I forgot Milo's birthday, and Valentine's Day, and I allowed Adora to get sick-"

"Hey. It's not your fault. It's been a stressful few weeks. Have you eaten today?"

"No. I don't want to leave her and-" I'm cut off by a shrill cry, and my eyes widen in horror as Adora starts to squirm in my arm, crying for... something. I don't know. I don't know and I'm scared because something could be really wrong or I could be doing something really wrong, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to make this better.