An Arranged Affair

chapter 48 - withdrawal

"That's a fantastic idea! One last pre exam party before we exile ourselves on our study break!" Simmi said enthusiastically.

I on the other hand was no where near enthused.

" I just hate how Stanford and Martha just sprung this on me and just assumed that I would plan something for Phillip's birthday. His mother always does it so I don't see why she cant do it this year, you know, just give her another reason to hate me. But apparently its still part of my duties as his wife..."

" why are you so bothered what his mother thinks of you?"

" I don't. I just have to make the next few years as pleasant as possible, if , that's even possible."

" when are you going to give the guy a break?"

" when hell freezes over then when." I answered her angrily. " it's just so close to exams. And besides, I don't want anything to do with him."

" uh huh.. " Simmi said rolling her eyes.

" oh don't do that!"

" do what?"

" get all judgmental eye rollie on me and whose side are you on anyway?."

" you want him, just admit it. I don't see why you don't just make up with him! I mean he took you on a picnic and went down on you in the woods and you were riding cloud 9 for days, imagine how he's going to make things up to you this time!" she said with a suggestive wink. 'don't tell me you haven't been missing it. Besides. He's called me. "

"He called you? What the fuck for?"

"For you, you moron! He's practically begged me for help to at least get you to stop ignoring him and talk to him. He's desperate you know. In a bad way.'

" Only desperate because he didn't get what he wanted from me!....oh would you shut up about that idiot! I regret every minute ...no every second I let me touch me!"

" lair lair pants on fire. Man you are so sexually repressed and moody! "

" Am not!" I cried out and stuck my tongue out at her. It was childish but she was probably right....but only just a tiny bit.

" so anyway, what about this birthday party?"

" well his mum usually plans a formal dinner with all the big wigs at some fancy hotel or venue but if I were to plan something we wouldn't have time. Its literally next weekend!"

"yeah that's his mum, what are you gonna do? Flash shit like that really isn't our style, and yes, I am totally help you plan this and I am totally crashing your wardrobe." Simmi said pushing around the leaves in her salad. " man I don't know how people eat this shit.' She said screwing up her face.

" well if you lay off the samosas and ice cream and stop emotionally eating you wont need to go on a diet to fit your graduation dress!" I chided her. Food had been her comfort since her breakup and it was starting to show.

It had been so hard, the first night I spent back in the spare room I had cried myself to sleep, walking up In the dark almost wanting to find him next to me.

I so desperately wanted someone just to hold me and make this pain go away. But not him.

It was awkward the next day. I ate breakfast quietly in the kitchen, not even saying anything to Martha about the overcooked poached eggs. The past couple of days were hard on everyone. Martha fussed that I should stay home and rest but I couldnt stay, I needed to get away for a while.

I barely looked at him when I got into the car, although I could tell he had been drinking or up late - or both.

I pulled my hand away when he tried to grab it and shut him down as soon as he tried to speak, and when Stanford dropped me off to uni, I knocked in his window and told him that I would be staying at Simmis for the night.