The three of them stood on the porch somewhat stunned by the events of the last 10 minutes and not really sure what to do now. Christian, ever the practical man decided to go and sort the truck out and the lawn where Anna had been ill and Benny and Frida just looked at each other. Frida was emotionally wrung out and needed Benny to make the first move today. He did hesitate for he was unsure of his reception but all credit to him in the end he was brave and wrapped his arms tight around Frida. He felt her relax against him and was rewarded.
Christian had finished and called them "Aunty Frida, Uncle Benny. Let's go" "Is it safe to leave her Christian? asked Frida. "The house is locked and we'll lock the gates when we go. You know as well as I do that Papa wouldn't ever let anything happen to her. He'd lay his life down for her. She's as safe as she is in Ekero" replied Christian. Frida and Benny looked at each other and had to agree. They got in the truck and made their way to the restaurant. Frida hadn't been eating terribly well and suddenly despite everything she felt hungry. The little restaurant turned out to actually be in walking distance of the house Frida remembered it as soon as she had seen it "Benny! I remember this, we used to come here for pasta when we had no money. She smiled happily. "What does it do now Christian?" she asked. "Still pasta, it's the same family still. They've been here 60 years. The grandson runs it now but the guy who had it in your day still pops in nearly every day. Frida was beyond delighted. "I loved it here!"she exclaimed. "We use it every time we come. Papa loves it and so do we. Want to come in?" Christian asked. Benny chuckled at Frida hopping out of the truck at speed and followed her at a more sedate pace.
They entered and for the second time that day Frida was transported back in time. She was so happy. Fortunately for them, the older man was in looking over the restaurant and as soon as his grandson came to seat them he came over hugging and kissing Frida and Benny in that innate Italian way. He bustled them to the table that they had always used, a little booth towards the back laughing all the time. Frida was entranced and Christian said "that explains why we sit at this table all the time then, Papa never said that you all sat here. Benny laughed and said "Yes, this was our table. Many plans were made here, in fact we were here when your parents told us they were pregnant with Linda" Frida frowned for a moment then her face cleared. "Benny, you're right!" she said "I had forgotten that" "Lot of history in this table" remarked Benny as they shuffled in and sat. "I had no idea this was still here" They made themselves comfortable and Frida was happy because she had her Benny squished up against her, there wasn't a lot of room to move "Sorry, I've got fat, do you want me to move?" Benny whispered while Christian was chatting to the owners. She put a hand on his thigh and squeezed. "No! I love it just the way it is. You're not fat either. Just my Benny. You stay there" she reassured him. Benny's heart did a funny little jump as he basked in her acceptance. "Usuals??" boomed the older owner. Frida jumped at the noise and Benny laughed and decided to go with it. "Neither of us remember what our usuals are, clearly you do so we'll go with it and enjoy the surprise" Frida thought that was a great idea. Benny had another idea in his head. "Christian, how would you feel about dropping us off at the house later and lending me your key? I didn't have time to pick mine up before Anna threw us out. We can keep Anna safe for a night. I know we can. It might do her and us some good." Christian thought it was an amazing idea and said so but then his face fell. "She has an appointment in the morning Uncle Benny, she can't" "I'm sure she does son but I'm also sure that you wouldn't mind collecting her in the morning would you?" Christian brightened again "YES! I'll do that! Aunty Frida you want to?" "More than you know darling boy. It'll do your mother good. We'll keep her safe don't worry" "I'm not worried. Would you want to take Papa on in his current mood? I surely wouldn't" he grinned fondly. Benny nodded sagely. "Quite! There would be murder in the house"
Suddenly they were faced with mountainous plates of gorgeous smelling food to die for and Frida's mouth watered. Benny's eyes got wide and he grinned in anticipation. " What have you got Frida?" he asked happily. Frida investigated and the memory came back full force. Ham in a cream and black pepper sauce with extra parmesan" she grinned. "I remember now, how could I have forgotten? What do you have ?"she asked "Gnocchi with seafood and a cream sauce. How could WE have forgotten Frida?" "Don't know" she mumbled through a mouthful but I won't make that mistake again! Eat Benny!"
They had a wonderful meal and the owners wouldn't let them pay so Benny sneakily left the equivalent tip" They got in the truck and Christian gave Benny his key and opened the gates for them when they got to the house. He made sure they were shut before he drove away. Tonight he was hoping for a miracle.
Frida went to go up the steps at the front of the house and Benny shook his head and pulled her round into the back garden. They settled in the chairs on the veranda. Benny said "I want to talk to you. I don't want you to interrupt. When I've finished then you can tell me if I'm right and you won't have broken the promise I know you must have made to Anna. Then we will talk about it and I will promise not to tell a soul. Ok?" Frida's heart was banging out of her chest but she nodded. Benny put his booted feet up on the chair opposite him and pulled Frida's chair closer to him with her still in it. He linked hands with her and he said
"I watched you come in today, I've heard Anna throw up three times in as many days and I watched her throw up on the grass, I saw Christian lifting her out of the truck, I watched you holding her hand and helping her as you took the steps one at a time because she can't do them at the moment. I'm sure she's still throwing up now but she has the courage of a lion and she will ignore it because her beloved Bjorn is in trouble." Frida went to interrupt him. "Shush Frida" he said kindly. "Bjorn hasn't put the pieces together but this is what I think. I think she rang you because she needed you. You flew in on a private charter to get you here quickly because you knew she was ill. You've sent Linda away for a holiday because she's tired and needs a break from caring for Anna. We can't see you this week because you're taking Anna to a clinic for some type of treatment. The treatment clearly does not agree with her. What Anna meant when she said her gift to Bjorn was her voice and her silence, she thinks she won't live so she'll do this as her last goodbye to ABBA for all of us because we've asked her so many times over the years, she thinks this is her last chance. She won't tell Bjorn because she thinks he won't cope with it after Lena had cancer. She has cancer Frida." He didn't need Frida to answer him, her devastated eyes said it all and his heart broke because he had hoped when he'd finally put it all together that he'd got it so wrong again. He could feel that his instincts were spot on. Frida's hand was shaking in his and he looked at her. He stood up and hauled her out of the chair and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs round his waist, buried her head in his shoulder and cried like she would never stop, loud heart rending sobs. He walked with her down the steps into the garden away from the house so they wouldn't disturb Anna and Bjorn. He found a seat and unwound her from him, sat down and pulled her into his lap and rocked her until the storm ceased a little. "Better?" he asked. He fished his hanky out of his pocket and wiped her face with it. She took it and blew her nose. She rested in his arms. Exhausted but relieved. "Yes"she croaked. "Now you may talk Frida" he said. "You are right" she whispered. "Not with some of the timings but you are right" she sighed. "I came in by private jet because not once in 30 years has she begged me to come home. She did andI came, as quickly as I could manage. I didn't know then. It took her a day and a half to tell me." Frida's tears hadn't stopped. "It's not fair Benny. What life has she had without Bjorn? 40 years of hell and now this. It should be me! I'm the older one, the stronger one." Benny was distraught. "Don't say that, don't ever say that! It shouldn't be EITHER of you. I've never wished more to be wrong" They sat in silence for a while. Frida holding tight to Benny. "How bad is it? How long has she had it?" he asked carefully. "She told me she found a lump in her breast in April 16. She was told it was rare and aggressive in the May" "and in June she sang with us for the very first time in all those years" Benny finished for her and sighed."Of course she did" "She told me she thought she would not live to sing again and it was supposed to be her last goodbye to all of us. She had no intention of ever telling us." Benny's eyes stung as he remembered Anna on that stage singing, a little rough and very nervy but singing and the hugs they had all shared. Bjorn and he had not known she was coming, of course they had invited her but it had been years since she'd been seen in public so they had assumed she wouldn't. She had crept in with no fanfare after they had all arrived and was suddenly just there. All three of them had been shocked but more than delighted. Bjorn had struggled to hide his reaction from Lena. There hadn't been any intention of singing but it had happened. It had been their own little miracle. They would never even have guessed at the time but it all made a dreadful kind of sense now. Benny's arms tightened around her and he said "and then?" Frida sighed and looped her right arm around his neck. "I promised her I wouldn't tell you Benny. She thinks it's not fair for you to have a secret from Bjorn. She refuses to ask it of you" Benny's heart was touched by Anna's respect of his brotherhood with Bjorn but said "I won't tell him Frida I promise. It's her story to tell. Not mine. Let it go darling." Frida trusted Benny with her very life and so took a deep breath and started again. "A week after the anniversary she started her first run of chemo which lasted till November. After that she had a double mastectomy and a reconstruction. She got out of hospital a week or so before Christmas" "that's why she didn't go to Bjorn's on Christmas day like she always does isn't it?" asked Benny. "He was distraught" he added sadly. "He relies on that day being the one day he is guaranteed to see her because she won't talk to him or see him any other time" "she couldn't Benny, she was so sick and sore. She told me she could barely move and had to crawl to the toilet." "She would never have been able to hide that from Bjorn" Benny agreed. "What did she tell him?" "Migraine" "Did he buy that?" Benny was unconvinced. "I asked Anna that and she said she didn't know. Linda told him. I suppose he had no choice really but I bet he didn't. Linda says that Lena always makes Anna's life difficult at Christmas and she just couldn't face it" Benny's face hardened. "Yes, I can imagine but Bjorn's life is no picnic let me tell you." He shifted her a bit and she said "I must be too heavy for you, let me up" Benny's arms tightened involuntarily and he frowned. "I don't want you to move Frida. Please. Stay." Frida subsided and reassured him "I don't want to move, I'm just not as light as I was" "You're beautiful" said Benny quietly "I'd have you in my arms like this for the rest of my life. Is there more?" Frida was still stuck on his comment about her and she had to work hard to focus."The treatment is brutal Benny. I couldn't do what she does. It's long and it's intense. It burns her from the inside out, her skin burns till she screams, it blisters and falls off her and she holds my hand like it's her only anchor. Even the doctor apologises to her. She never moans or complains" Frida's tears were coming again and Benny was having a hard time holding his back. "Today she has thrown up for 14 hours nearly non stop. She's tired but she cannot sleep. She cannot rest. I've spent hours sat in the shower with her drenching her in lukewarm water to stop the burning and Benny I can't take the pain away for her. I wish I could." her words ended on a tortured sob and she tore herself away from him. Benny was bereft for a moment but she just wanted to be closer. She straddled him and buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. He soothed her endlessly and gladly until her grief and rage had dwindled to hiccups. He pulled her head out of his shoulder gently and wiped her eyes with a gentle finger. He kissed her and couldn't help it. Frida was overwhelmed and responded in kind. It became a kiss full of love, hope, passion and healing. When they broke for air Frida was smiling delightedly. "We will talk about this later Benny. I need to. But I need to finish this first" she took a deep breath and plunged back in "her mouth is full of ulcers so she can't eat or drink easily and her skin peels off for days. We have tomorrow and Friday to do then she can heal for three weeks. She'll then go in for the final round. Same again. Then they'll scan her see where she's at, then she'll go into this experimental treatment. I'm not sure what that is. After that she'll be on tablets for the rest of her life." Benny was silent as he digested all of this. "We have a battle on then don't we? We won't leave her. She'll beat it Frida, of that I have no doubt. Will you stay?" "Yes. I won't leave her. I want to take her to Viggso with you two. She thinks it'll be the last time she sees it. I want to go to singing lessons with her. I want to sing with her and Benny, I don't want to leave you. Life is too short. I'll take whatever you can freely give me" He didn't have any words before she started again "Benny when we are in the studio, leave the secondaries running. I want to hear every last bit of her, every laugh, sneeze, banter, argument, every bum note. Just in case" Benny nodded. "I will" he choked out. "I promise I will"
They sat in silence for a while and Benny said "We should go in, it's getting cold and late, we have an early start tomorrow" He stood up and held out his hand to her, she took it and got up. Frida felt immeasurably better and fired up, ready to take on the world.
They strolled round to the front of the house hand in hand and Benny let them in with Christian's key. They took their shoes off and padded through the house. Frida was enchanted, nostalgic and emotional all at the same time. It was just as she remembered it with just a few modern additions tech wise and some newer flooring in some parts. They peered into the living room and there was no sign of them "well, she got him to move at least, that's encouraging" he whispered. Frida nodded and agreed quietly. They looked in the kitchen and all was quiet. "You want a glass of wine?"he asked gently. "Yes please, that would be lovely" came the answer. He poured them both a big glass of red from a bottle he had on the kitchen counter.
They wandered through the house glasses in hand and eventually found Bjorn and Anna absolutely fast asleep on his bed. "Oh god, will you look at that?"sniffled Frida. "She asleep, it's a miracle, it really is." "It isn't a miracle Frida, they are both where they are supposed to be" sighed Benny. They stood there just for a little while taking in how Anna was wrapped around Bjorn and he was holding her tightly to his chest, hands intertwined, both slumbering peacefully. She had her leg thrown over his and her head tucked under his chin. Benny smiled gently and crept in to check the bucket. He gave Frida his glass to hold and took the bucket out to wash it thoroughly while Frida found them a blanket. Benny bought the empty, clean bucket back and quietly put it by her side of the bed then helped Frida to put the blanket over them.
They left the small bedside lamp on and crept out. "Come with me" said Benny and he took her into the room that they used to use when they were here. "Oh Benny look, it's so lovely. Did you do this?" Benny shook his head no "but Bjorn let me move some stuff in and I have. Will you stay with me? I don't mean anything sexual I just mean you and me" he looked terrified. "I mean just to sleep"
Frida smiled as she shut the door and wandered over to put her glass on the bedside cabinet. "Benny Andersson. We need to work on this, you would never have to ask for my company. I've never not wanted yours. Not ever." He looked at the floor and saw her feet enter his vision "I don't know what kind of number Mona has done on you in the years I've been gone Benny my darling. Perhaps it's best you do not tell me, I am not kindly disposed towards her at the best of times but you will look me in the eye
and you will learn to believe me when I tell you that to me you are wonderful. You are not fat, nor do you disgust me, 50 years and you KNOW you still turn me on. You proved it last week. I.dont.care. what she tells you" she elucidated firmly "I know what I know and I know what I feel." She paused for breath and her eyes narrowed as she noted the lack of impact her words were having. She stepped closer, determined to make him listen. "Look at me" he did not. "LOOK AT ME" she demanded. He met her eyes. "What do you see when you see me? What I am is a 72 year old woman, with a dodgy hip, wrinkles, I'm fatter than I was, I snore and I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Do you find me disgusting Benny? DO YOU?" "God no! NO!" he was horrified."Never! You're as beautiful to me now as you ever were!" He had tears in his eyes. "More so" he mumbled. "So, how would you feel then if I didn't believe what you told me and I believed that you found me fat and disgusting and no good for anything?" Now she could see he was listening to her and she was finally getting through."How?"she repeated "I'd feel terrible Frida, I see your point" "Benny, you are the most special, talented, wonderful man that I have ever met. Nothing has changed." she smiled and reached up to kiss him. "Anna says we have to sort ourselves out. She says life's too short. I tend to agree " "I want to sort myself out, I want to. I need to do it with you." he whispered. "And I need you, so tonight we will get in that bed and we will drink wine and we will talk and we'll just be together. Is that ok with you? "More than ok" he sighed contentedly. "One more thing in case you're getting the wrong idea. Tonight isn't our night. I want you all to myself with no distractions. We might be needed. But it doesn't mean that I don't want you. I do. Very much. Ok?" Benny was much soothed and content. "Frida, it's fine, more than fine. I understand. I'm happy just with you here. Besides I'm not so great in that department. I told you" "and I showed you that you were, now hush" said Frida.
Benny went back out of his room to check the doors and windows were locked and to pick up the bottle of wine. He checked on Bjorn and Anna once more and they were still both sleeping peacefully, he pulled their door shut quietly and went back to his room.
Even though he knew she was there, it still made his heart bang to see her there, he couldn't believe his luck really. She had taken her shoes off and her jacket and was looking a little perplexed. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Have you got a shirt or a t shirt I can borrow to sleep in? I didn't know I'd be here" Benny put the wine down on his side of the bed and rummaged in his closet and came out with a pajama top of his. He would wear the trousers he thought. He turned and held it up. "Would that do?" he asked "perfect she said and smiled. " Can I borrow your toothbrush in the morning?" she giggled. He laughed and said "Yeah, I don't share with anyone else you know" "Glad to hear it" came the reply.
He went to top up both their wines and turned back round to see Frida taking her clothes off and neatly laying them on the back of the chair for she would have to wear the same ones tomorrow. He spun back round and apologised. "Benny why are you sorry? You've seen it all before. Next week you'll be fully reacquainted with it. What's the problem?" He burst into surprised laughter at her candour and said "well, I didn't want to get it wrong" "Benny, you won't get it wrong with me will you?? Trust your instincts! You KNOW me. You've known me for 50 years, now turn your arse around and look at me!" He turned around and thought his heart might have stopped. There she was in all her glory standing there with her hands on her hips telling him off. Her blonde hair all mussed where she had pulled her shirt off wearing the most indecent dark blue bra and panties that he thought he'd ever seen. "Frida, dammit woman look at you! Christ Alive you ARE stunning. The years just haven't touched you have they?" Frida rolled her eyes good naturedly and said "how kind, it's not quite as fit as it was but it isn't too bad for an old woman" Benny shook his head and said "you don't see what I see Frida" Frida grinned and turned it neatly on him "and you don't see what I see when I look at you. It's exactly the same. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you Benny are as sexy to me as you ever were" and finally he twinkled at her.
Much later when they were in matching pajamas which had amused Frida greatly and they had finished a whole bottle of wine between them Frida snuggled right down into Benny's arms and was stroking his beard like she always used to she said quietly. "Benny I want to fix us, like Anna said. Can we do it? Do you love Mona still?"
Benny sighed as he prepared to answer the easiest, yet the most difficult question of his life. "Frida, I never really ever did love Mona, I'm sorry if that makes it all worse for you but it's true. My drinking made me do something that I'll regret for an eternity. I lost you but I gained a son who I love with my entire heart and soul. I cannot regret him Frida but I loved you then, I loved you all the time we were apart. I ached for you when Russo was ill. I wanted to comfort you, be there for you but I had lost my right. I grieved for you when he died and I love you now more than I think I ever have." Frida was shocked into silence. "Sorry Frida but I'm not going to backtrack this time. What I say is true." "So its a yes? It's a yes then?" Frida checked disbelievingly. "Frida, it's been a yes for 40 bloody years. I just don't deserve you and I have issues still. My drinking is out of control again and it broke us before. It's not fair to drag you in again." Benny was distressed. "We'll do it together Benny. I'm older and wiser too. I don't care what you think is wrong with you or what you think you deserve. We will manage it all together. I'm not asking anything of you. It's enough to know you love me" "oh god I do!" he groaned. "I really do. I want to give you the world" Frida laughed at him. "Just you Benny. I just want you. For now"
That night Vallentuna did indeed witness the miracle that Christian had so fervently prayed for. All four members of ABBA were safe, together and loved in that little house that had started it all.
