The Marauders: Year Seven Part Two

The Open Drawer

Argus Filch didn't know it, but he was about to have a very bad evening. 

Filch was in his living quarters, which were connected to his office, and having just opened a tin of sardines for Mrs. Norris, he was standing before a hot plate with a pan of beans heating upon it, when he heard the groaning and scraping of the Bloody Baron. Filch dropped the spoon he was using to stir the beans, losing it somewhere in the tomatoy-gravy, and wiped his hands irritably on his robes, sneering at the sinking spoon before stepping 'round Mrs. Norris to the door. The cat looked up, but was too busy eating her dinner to follow him out into the office.

Filch scuttled down the short hidden stairway that led up to his quarters and found the Baron behind the desk, undoing the lock on his drawer. 

"What's that yer doin', Baron?" Filch demanded, upset.

"Those who take which don't belong to them cannot lock their goods with the locks of the Bloody Baron," the ghost replied, and there was a click as he returned his lock to his chains.

Filch looked quite taken aback, "Take what doesn't belong to me, eh? Yer calling me a thief?"

The Bloody Baron waved his hand and the drawer opened, "Are these your things in this drawer, Mr. Filch?"

The drawer was seemingly alive, it held so many moving, whirling, spinning, biting, snapping, popping, jumping, cracking, ticking, flipping, dancing, singing things within, in an assortment of the brightest colors and shapes that the joke shops could invent. Rubbish collected over years of confiscating student's banned goods had added up, and Filch's drawer was utterly full of things that did not belong to him.

"They're banned objects!" he protested, "Things they oughtn't be havin' in the school! Look'it this." He snatched up a yodeling yo-yo that started yodel-lee-hee-hoo-ing the moment the string started to untwine, and a shook a perplexing popper that flipped in his palm over and over making loud POP POP POP sounds, and a fanged frisbee that snapped at the Baron like an agitated little dog. "Pulled this one out of some Hufflepuff girl's hair not a week ago," Filch said, "A boy had flung it at her and she had to get her hair cut nearly 6 inches off to get the frisbee out. Oughtn't be havin' 'em... damned service keeping all this load if yer to be askin' me..." he muttered.

But the Bloody Baron didn't much care for the explanation - he simply groaned with agitation that Filch was not owning up to taking what didn't belong to him, and shook his chains, and sank back through the floor, returning to the catacombs.

Filch hissed, angry that he'd lost his lock, and he stared down at the drawer in frustration. Without that bloody lock, anyone could break into the office and steal all the rubbish he'd collected. Just imagine the state of the school if the likes of Sirius Black ever got a hold of all these things! Filch's eyes narrowed as he spotted the parchment he'd taken from Sirius, and he looked at the floor the way that the Bloody Baron had gone, and his mouth twitched with suspicion. He took up the parchment and stuffed it into his shirt pockets, and hurriedly went to the door, opening it quickly and -- sure enough -- both Sirius Black and Remus Lupin fell in, having had their ears pressed to the door to listen to what the Bloody Baron was doing.

"Oomph!" Remus groaned as Sirius fell on top of him.

Sirius grinned down at the back of Remus's head. "Well," he laughed, "This is a change, isn't it?"

"Getofferme," Remus muttered.

"I rather like it here actually," Sirius snickered, "No wonder it's your preference." 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING LISTENING AT MY DOOR?" Filch bellowed, "Send the bleedin' Baron yourselves, did you? Comin' after this ruddy parchment, were you?" He reached into his pocket and shook the parchment under Sirius's nose, and Sirius grabbed at it, spinning off of Remus's back and onto the floor, his arms flailing for the parchment as Filch pulled it away and unceremoniously stuffed it back into his shirt.