Silver Spoons (Kellic)

Chapter Fifteen

((((((I'm in the start of finals week so, I guess that means I want to die 24/7 so here you guys go, oh by the way the end is near)))))

What is the point of being in relationships? Especially when it comes with all these negative feelings. Negative emotions. Dumb feelings, why do I have to have fellings? This is my first love, Kellin is my first love. ...But they also say that your first love...never lasts, so would it be smart to just end it now? Get over it before it becomes to hard to? It feels like I'm, no we, are creating the mountain or walls that we keep trying to climb over, but as we're trying to get over them were just building them higher.

I wiped the tears from my face by using my hands to just smear my tears all over the area of my cheeks, nose and forehead. it was something I became accustomed to, I read on the Internet that the salt water from your tears actually clears your skin, so for some reason I somehow remind myself in whatever circumstance I am in to wipe my tears all over my face. Like if I'm going to cry like once a day I might as well become beautiful in the process.

I didn't want Kellin to come see me after a little fight we just had because he honestly had the opportunity for an easy forgiveness until I closed my bedroom door. I wouldn't have to worry about that anyway because he's obviously hasn't made any attempts so far and a stupid little note slipped under my door won't cut it this time. I can't help but feel as if he's ashamed of me, he isn't ashamed of me in school, he kind of flaunts me a little bit in actuality, but once his father came into the picture suddenly he acted as if he didn't want anything but a friendship with me. It's either that or nothing, I refuse to hide, lie and sneak around and be ashamed of our relationship. All in all, I gathered myself as best as I could. taking a deep breath, in and out, before walking out of my bedroom door and trying to look as calm and collected as possible. I knew it would be in my best interest to avoid both Kellin and his father for now since there was quite a bit of tension between us all and no doubt Mr. Quinn would surely tell Kellin's mother as well, or she would at some point catch on to it.

I got to the bottom of the stairs I could see Kellins father in the kitchen from the opening in the dinning room, he had a very serious and stern look on his face while he was speaking to someone on the phone, it looked like it was most likely a business call but, I did find it sort of odd that Kellin's mother was next to him throughout the conversation he was having, it probably a family call then. I went down the small part of the house towards the entrance and left quietly out the heavy wooden doors, leaving unnoticed and unknowingly.

Finally gathering my thoughts during my walk I had the opportunity to finally see the beauty of this gated community that we currently lived in. There was a small pond where ducks would swim around and I saw these cute little baby ones that would waddle towards me the waddle all the way back to their momma, back and forth, back and forth. There was also a very nice fancy community pool, we had no use for it since we had our own but it's still cool to have one. It was a really nice neighborhood, very quiet and just, all around pleasant. Which just made me think of things that were unpleasant in my life right now. The more I though about it, the more I began to analyze every part of the situation I was facing. I realized I was being sort of irrational and over dramatic too. It's had become difficult to think clearly because I've never been in a relationship before, and I've never cared about someone so much until now. My life was just all about school and living for tomorrow and Kellin was all about having a good time and living for today. We were polar opposites that found common ground then slowly (only because of me) fell in love with each other. These raw emotions I have are hitting me hard and so fast and that they'll switch due to anything.

I think we just need to communicate more and we'll be fine, people do say communication is key. When his father walked in on us, he completely shut down, he shut me out completely and I still have no idea as to why. I may have been irrational but, Kellin was acting the same as me so, we were both in the wrong. At some point I'm going to have to come back and face Kellin, more like confront him and the sooner the better. It will just get awkward and more difficult to go see him if I try to wait it out any longer or see if he makes the first move because I'm pretty sure he won't.