The Art of Pretending

17 | the truth

Ethan looks at me, melting against me. He kisses me, and I sigh against his lips as I thread my fingers through his hair.

"I love you," he murmurs against me, his lips curving up into a smile.

"I love you too," I whisper back. I almost don't realize I've said it, the three words that mean the world to Ethan.

He leans away from me, his eyes traveling across my face. He's the embodiment of hope right now, his eyes practically sparkling. "Do you mean it?" Ethan looks at me earnestly, so full of hope that I'd feel terrible if I'd denied it now.

Not that I would. "Of course. I love you." My words are stronger than before, louder, more reassured. Still, I feel like they could float away on thin air.

Ethan's arms curl around me and he presses a kiss on my forehead. It's light, feathery, just like his touch. It's as if he's afraid I'll slip away, disappear within a second, never to be seen again. 

I sigh with delight. I hadn't imagined anything like this would be possible.

"Please don't disappear on me again," Ethan says softly, his voice breaking at the end. He pulls me in closer, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"I won't," I breathe, leaning into his touch.

The smile he gives me in return is precious, something that I will treasure forever. It grows wider and wider, his eyes crinkling at its corners, and I am convinced that this boy will be the death of me.

He leans towards me, his lips pressing onto mine again. I thread my fingers into his hair, and I can feel him smile against me.

"You're so beautiful," he compliments, retracting and looking at me. His expression is filled with love, it's open and honest. "I love you so much," he keeps on saying over and over, as if repeating it over and over will stop me from leaving.

It suddenly occurs to me that we might be moving too fast. I just got here a few days ago, and it's escalated to this point already. We're in his bedroom, kissing, just kissing, but we're also declaring our love for one another.

I'm finally convinced that I am Ashley, the true girl that he was searching for. Ethan's sad and upset that I can't remember any of our past memories, but I know that half of him is also happy that I can't remember what he did.

He promises that he will help me remember, and even tell me the truth about what happened. He doesn't want to ruin us yet, he doesn't want to ruin any moment, and I don't want him to.

I must have paused too long, because he hugs me again. "Do you want to watch a movie?" he asks lowly, his breath hot near my neck.

"Do you think I can watch a movie with you this close?" I say, laughing, while jokingly trying to pull away.

Ethan must have not been able to tell that I was joking, because he doesn't give way. Instead, he hugs me tighter, burying his face in my shoulder. "Don't leave me, please," he pleads softly, "we can do something else if you want instead."

"I was joking, Ethan," I say. I laugh lightly, trying to wave it away.

"It didn't sound like you were joking," he says seriously, pulling back slightly. In the dim lighting of the setting sun, I can make out that he's pouting.

There's a darker mood set on us, as the truth dawns on him too. I'll be leaving. And by the way we're both treating this, I think he can tell that it's a more definite leaving. That I won't be back any time soon, even if I'm what he thinks: only a few islands away. 

I pull away and sit farther from him on the couch. This time, he lets go, because he knows that I have something to say. My mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish, but I don't know how to formulate the words.