The Art of Pretending

13 | ethan

I'm pressed against the cool glass of the airplane windowpane, looking outside for the whole trip. Exhilarated, I glance towards my mom, who has a wistful expression on her face as she looks past me onto the islands.

We're nearing touchdown, getting closer and closer as the pilot makes a slight turn. I'm terribly excited, especially at the fact that my phone can finally pick up signals. The screen lights up immediately with texts from Ethan.

ethan: tell me when you're here!

ethan: are you here yet?

ethan: by the way, this is my address
ethan: visit me tomorrow!
ethan: remember to call me when you land angel
ethan: or send me a text if you can't call

A smile appears on my face and I close my phone for now.

"Who was that?" Mom asks, grinning down at my phone. "What did they say?"

"Oh, it was just Hazel," I reply. Another lie, but she seems to buy it. "She wants to know when I come back so we can do something together."

She nods. "You should invite her over for dinner! I barely see her anymore." Mom frowns and glances down at her phone. "Is she busy or something? I've barely talked to her mom either."

"Yeah, she is," I say, feeling terrible for putting Hazel in such a bad light. But I don't want my mom to know that it's my fault that she doesn't see Hazel anymore. "I'll ask her to come over after we get back."

The plane lands with a slight bump, and I clutch the seat tightly. I'm not terrified of the plane, but I do feel uneasy that I'm entrusting my life to this piece of metal floating in the air.

It slowly rolls to a stop, and I stand up from my seat, stretching slightly. Taking our luggage from the shelf, we step out and exit the airport. Warm air blows at me, making my hair fly all over my face. Instead of smiling as wide as possible at the prospect of being in Hawaii, I shut my mouth so nothing flies in.

"So... this is Hawaii?" I ask. There's an unexplainable giddy feeling in me, and I decide to smile anyways.

"This is Hawaii," mom agrees. She's smiling too, but it's less broad, with a more mournful tone.

I grasp her arm and hold her hand tightly. "It's okay," I whisper, my words whipped around by the wind.

"Do you really not remember?" she asks, her eyes searching my face for any sign of truth or lie. She's asked me this plenty of times, but she keeps asking it. I glance around the airport, towards the cars driving, the palm trees swaying in the wind.

"No," I reply again. I can't tell if mom is relieved that I can't remember or not if I can't.

A taxi finally stops near us, and I help mom put our suitcases in the trunk. "You said that you had to go somewhere, right?" Mom asks, and I shut the trunk. "Ashley..." she trails off, grabbing me by my arms. "You know I trust you, right?"

I nod. We turn to the side of the car and get inside.

"Then you know that I'll let you go with what you need to do." She says. The taxi driver turns around and looks at us, and she smiles at him. "You don't mind dropping me off first at the hotel, and then where my daughter needs to go, right?"

"Of course not," he says in a rough voice. "Where's your first destination?"

As we drive along to the hotel, I desperately check my appearance in my phone camera. I know it's silly, but I want to look my best for Ethan. There is still a small part of me that doubts if I'm truly Ashley, so I need to make a good first impression.

Or maybe it isn't our first. At least not for him. But for me, it'll definitely be the first time I see him and remember him.

I open my backpack and pull out a lip gloss. Swiping it over my lips, I glance at the mirror again. My shoulders slump slightly, and I feel pitiful. There's something dark and black in my heart, worried that he won't like me. Again, I feel bad for doubting him, but it's been so long and my memories are all so messed up.

The taxi slows down and I watch as we drive onto a row of streets. There are streetlights illuminating the path as we drive down. I press myself against the window and watch as the numbers on the houses get closer to Ethan's.

"Here we are, miss," he states, and I hear the sound of the car doors unlocking. Looking out the window, I find myself staring directly onto Ethan's front lawn. His house is considerably big, and I can't help but feel scared by looking at it.

"Miss?" the driver asks, sensing my hesitation. "Is something wrong?"

I look towards him and smile. "No, sorry, thank you so much for driving me." I pull open the door and step out, walking onto the sidewalk. Standing, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It's too late to go back now.

A sick feeling settles on the bottom of my stomach, dragging my positive spirits along with it. It's so improbable that I'm the Ashley that Ethan talks about, yet all the evidence points towards it. But what if you aren't?

I don't want to lose contact with Ethan if I'm not. We've grown closer and I like talking to him despite the time differences. And the fact that I'm not sure that I'm the person that he wants to talk to.

Pulling out my phone, I swipe to his texts.

me: i'm here

Mustering up all my courage, I walk up to his door and ring the doorbell. I'm nervous and already regretting my decision to come. Fidgeting with my hands, I stuff my phone into my back pocket and put on a smile.

The door swings open and Ethan stands in front of me.

a/n: i'm back! i'll be posting, but less frequently. school's been keeping me busy, but i think i'll try to finish this novel. thank you all for your support and i hope this doesn't disappoint yall <3 (also sorry for the cliffhanger :))