The Art of Pretending

21 | new study

"Oh, my god!" My mom exclaims, throwing herself at me. Her arms immediately wrap me in a hug, and I lean into it, missing the feeling of being held. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better," I smile and try to joke. 

She swats at my arm, looking watery eyed. "I can't lose you again." Her voice is weak and wavering, and my throat dries up. 

"I'm fine, mom," I reply, squeezing her hand. 

"Ah, Mrs. Lee. Good to see you here," Dr. Phillips says, shaking her other hand. "I have some things to discuss with you and Avalon." He smiles at me and I try to return the favor. I haven't forgotten how badly the last time we talked ended up.

Mom holds my hand tightly, as if she's afraid I'll somehow disappear again. "Oh, before you start, can I discuss something with Avalon, please?"

"Of course," Dr. Phillips says, smiling widely. He's writing something on his clipboard again and I want to see what he's noting down.

"I decided... that it would be good for us to come back." She looks slightly nervous, fidgeting with the straps on her handbag.

I blink. "Come back, as in coming back to Hawaii?" I ask, squinting at her. Last time I remembered, mom was reluctant to let me come visit Ethan. I know it's because of all the bittersweet memories we had here, and while before I would have liked staying or visiting longer, I just want to go back to London.

I already miss my friends and the normalcy of everything that happened there. I want to go back and forget about everything that happened. I don't want to stay here, and be constantly reminded of Ethan and Ashley and everything else that happened.

"I never sold the house, only rented it out. We can move back, at least for a short while." Mom's not looking at me, instead looking out of the window my room has.

"It'll be good for you, Avalon. We have the best medical team here to treat you," Dr. Phillips affirms. "It's better for you to continue treatment here instead of moving somewhere else."

My shoulders slump, knowing I have no choice. I guess I could stay here, as long as I never had to see Ethan again. I glance towards mom, who looks happier being here, despite everything that happened.

"All right..." I trail off reluctantly. 

Dr. Phillips smiles. "Great. I want to talk about additional therapy for Avalon. My research team has been working on new treatments for memory loss."

"Do they work, doctor?" My mom is excited, hanging on to his every word.

She glances at me and I try to keep my face as neutral as possible. I know how painful the treatments were before, and I don't know if I can handle them again. I don't even know if I want to remember what happened anymore.

"We're testing them on a few patients here, and they do seem to be showing progress. The results are very promising, and Avalon has one of the worst cases I've seen." 

"Do you think it would work on Avalon, too?" My mom's hand is clutching to mine tightly, and her voice is all filled with hope.

Dr. Phillips nods. "I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think it would work. Since it's a trial period, we will also be paying a sum to Avalon for test trying it. Of course, there will be a lot of paperwork and tests for her to be admitted into the study, but if she passes, we can start as soon as possible."

I can't help but feel worried as I watch my mom and my doctor talk about all the possibilities. Only fragments of their sentences reach me, I'm not listening anymore. I feel slightly nauseous just talking about treatments again, and I grab my water bottle, taking small sips, trying to calm myself down.