Played Out

9. Real Friends

Essence

I cleaned up the condo in preparation for my aunts arrival. It was only noon so there were still four hours of time to kill before she got there. The whole time I was cleaning I couldn't help but think about my conversation with Pharaoh and feel like a bad friend. Once I was done cleaning, I decided to see Gianni. I wasn't ready to have the conversation but I would do anything for my friendship with her.

I changed into my work out clothes then decided to walk since her apartment was only a couple block from my condo. Throughout the walk I tried to figure out what I would even say to her. I couldn't even get a starting point for the conversation. I hadn't talked about it in so long, I didn't know if I could. When I got to her door, I took a deep breath before knocking. It only took a few minutes before the door open to Jordan looking surprised.

"Wassup Ess?"

"Hey Jojo" I sighed "My girl here?"

"Yeah come in, I'm about to head home anyway"

I nodded and followed him into her place. She was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of fruit. She looked up at me and sighed before rolling her eyes and looking back at her bowl of fruit. I sat beside her and stole a strawberry making her glare at me.

"I'll be back tonight baby" Jordan said before leaving

She nodded but didn't speak. It was awkwardly silent between us and I knew it was my fault. I looked at her and noticed her eyes were read. Gianni must've been crying earlier and it made my heart break more.

"Gigi" I sighed "You know you're my best friend and I love you"

She shrugged

"Don't do that!"

"I mean I thought that... but I guess I was wrong"

"Gi---"

"We not supposed to have secrets! I've told you everything there is to know about me! You've been there for so much shit! Why can't you be open with me?"

"I---"

"No answer the question! I don't want no bullshit! Be real Essence! What's up"

"Gianni you don't get it"I felt my eyes watering "I don't talk about it because it hurts so bad to even think about! I just can't do that"

"Ess" she grabbed my hand

"I've been pretending those memories don't exist because it's the only way I can stay hole. I can't let it break me again Gigi. It took so long to get to here. I might not be perfect but I'm... I'm still able to live at least a little"

"Ess" she sighed "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you here. If you don't want to talk to me---"

"It's not that at all though" I sniffled "I just don't know how to talk about it without breaking again"

"I'll be here for you Ess! I won't let you do that! You've held me together, let me do it for you!"

I paused to think of where to start. I felt the tears rolling as I looked up at her. I knew I could trust Gianni, but I didn't know if I could trust my sanity.

"You've never asked about my dad you know" I sniffed "Why?"

"I always just assumed he wasn't around. Yall talked about him in the past tense like he die when we were younger but sometimes the twins talk as if he's alive"

I sighed but smiled thinking about my daddy.

"He's alive... He's in jail"

"What did he do?"