(2016, February)
Beyoncé's POV
Was it how I looked?
How I talked?
How I walked?
How could he do it again?
My mind constantly wondered what could've possibly driven him into another woman's arms. In front of cameras, I smiled. I laughed. Every day I thought about it, the worse I felt. He cheated. It was more than once. Our marriage seemed to mean nothing to him. My feelings were invalid. I didn't matter. I couldn't have matter. He laid with another woman.
Was I not attractive enough?
Were my curves not what he wanted?
Was my mind not what he wanted?
Did I push him away?
Was the sex not good?
Was my voice too low?
Was I not doing anything right?
Did he fall out of love?
Was I the reason?
Was he not happy?
What about our daughter?
"Was it my fault?" I asked looking at myself in the mirror. I stood there analyzing every little thing. My puffy, watery eyes and my red nose. I would usually allow myself one day to feel ever emotion possible, but for some reason with this I couldn't. I found myself locked in the room holding my daughter just crying. She just thought that mommy was sad. Not that daddy violently broke mommy's heart. She didn't mind me holding her because she loved cuddles.
"Bey, sweetie, are you okay?" My mom asked knocking on the door. I quickly wiped away my tears and splashed water on my face.
"Yes, ma'am. I'm fine," I told her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, momma," I replied and she seemed to believe me. She walked away and I let out a deep breath that I didn't even realize that I was holding in. It didn't even feel like I was breathing. It didn't feel like I existed. Everybody saw me, but no one saw me. I dried my face off. I lightly applied make up to my face and walked out of my bathroom. I paced around and changed my outfit at least three times. I settled for a white button down blouse and a black pencil skirt. I threw on the first pair of black heels that I saw before heading out of my room.
"Mommy," Blue said excitedly.
"Blue Blue, come give me a kiss," I said matching her excitement. She ran over and jumped in my arms. I gave her a few kisses, creating the most beautiful giggles in the world.
"Can I go to work with you today?"she asked adorably.
"It's gonna be a lot of boring meetings," I warned her and smiled.
"I just wanna be with you, mommy," she replied making my heart flutter.
"How about when I get back home we can watch cartoons and eat all the junk food that we want? I promise I won't be gone for too long," I told her and she nodded.
"Pinky promise?" she asked holding up her small pinky. I hooked mine around hers and smiled.
"Where is Julius?" I asked and he appeared. I put on my jacket before grabbing my purse.
"See you later, alligator," Blue said as she waved at me.
"After 'while, crocodile," I replied blowing her a few kisses. We left the penthouse and went downstairs to the car. There wasn't many paparazzis out or fans, so we got to the car pretty fast.
