Pirouette

23: Fire On Fire

• More trigger warnings in this chapter. I am not a person who would ever try to downplay the effects of white privilege, so I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey here. Systematically, the world is set to our advantage, and that's a bitter fucking fact, but it's also important to understand that not everyone wants to exploit it just because they can. Some want to fight it. That's it. •

The next morning, Fiona woke up before her mom did and got showered and ready. Grabbing her bag and her ballet shoes, she left a note on the dining table before then walking out the door.

It was Sunday, and although she usually went to church with her mom on Sundays, she couldn't today. There were too many thoughts on her mind and today, she needed to be alone with them.

Well... almost alone.

A short bus ride later, Fiona stood in front of the church before it had even opened. It was still too early, the sunrise barely coloring the sky a beautiful rich golden color, and yet as Fiona breathed in the lukewarm morning air and stepped into the cemetery, she already felt as if a warmth had swept over her.

"Hi, dad," She whispered, standing in front of his headstone. The beautiful white marble with the black, slanted name carved on was all she had to talk to, but it was enough as she knelt down and smiled with a trembling lip to her dad.

When she was little, she had missed his presence. She had missed dancing with him, had missed him picking her up from school... had missed having him around the dinner table and had missed him tucking her into bed. All the little things most kids that age took for granted, she had missed more than anything.

But as she grew up, Fiona stopped missing his presence as much as she missed his words and his voice. She wasn't quite sure she remembered exactly how his voice sounded anymore, but that wasn't even the worst part.

– The thing she missed the most was his advice.

Looking down at his headstone, Fiona found herself overwhelmed with all of the questions she wanted to ask him. Why did he love her mom enough to choose her over his own family? How had he made the choice? Did he ever regret it?

Did he ever regret having her?

Fiona felt a tear slip down her cheek as all these questions filled her mind, knowing she would never get any answers. She knew in her heart that he had loved her and her mom, but... had it been worth it, getting thrown out by his own mom?

"I love you so much, dad," Fiona whispered through her tears, cupping her face to stop the sobs from coming.

All of this business with Adam had her more confused than ever. And not just what had happened recently, but all of it; Tomorrow was the day of her audition, the thing she had been training for all these weeks, but now... now she wasn't even sure she wanted to go.

Her dad had been her age when he had made the toughest decision of his life; choosing her mom and her over his family. Now as Fiona found herself faced with two tough choices, she wished more than ever she could've talked to her dad about it.

"I don't know what to do, dad," She cried, wrapping her arms around herself.

She loved Adam, but could she stand being by his side, knowing that at any moment, he could be taken from her side? Death was always inevitable, but if you could do anything at all to prevent it...