Coffee- btsxreader

15-lost

The silence had once again returned to the car.

"Just pull over here" my weakened voice strained out

"Well, bye..." I whispered, feeling as though this would be the final goodbye I say to Jungkook, to BTS.

I looked over to my apartment building, shoved on the side of busy streets crammed next to other towering masses as if it were a book on an overly crowded bookcase. How many stories each building must hold, figuratively and literally.

Among those busy streets, though, I failed to spot the small tin silver convertible my father drove, despite my mothers constant nagging to "get rid of the damn thing, it's useless here".

I hopped out of the car fumbling to find my keys.

"I'll walk you up" the sweet voice came from behind me

"No, it's fine, really" I tried

"It'll take 5 minutes, lets go" he walked towards the doors

We shuffled into the elevator pressing the button until it illuminated with the familiar numbers I knew as home

I fumbled with my keys some more and walked into the small apartment remembering that Jungkook was here only a day ago.

The lights were off and the house seemed as empty as possible.

They're just asleep, or maybe they're out getting bagels, they know how much I love bagels. Every morning on Saturday I would wake up to the scent of warm bread, all different sorts and flavors. I bet that was why they weren't home

I thought, knowing that my words would be crushed, praying that by some freak of events they wouldn't be and hope would prevail.

Hope is the worst thing you could give to a despairing person.

I walked up to the blinking of our landline, mom and dad refused to get rid of it saying that they would not be held prisoner by new technology...and then ended up getting IPhones only a month later.

I pressed the message button that had been untouched for months, "50 messages" the phone read, all were telemarketers and ads, all accept one

"Hey sweetie, we know you're at a party and we didn't want to disturb you so we called the house phone. Your father and I are staying up here with grandma for a little longer, maybe a week or two, so you get to enjoy a little more alone time! Okay, bye love you!" she sounded happy, she sounded like she thought I was enjoying this, like I was enjoying my "alone time". It's difficult to enjoy when your whole life is a continuous stream of "alone time".

My smile was faded into a limp grin while my eyes showed all emotion but happy.

"You okay" the small voice said from behind me

I need to keep at least a bit of my pride.

I turned to face the boy, a bright smile splayed on my tired face.

"Yep, totally, I guess I didn't have to worry about rushing home after all. What a relief, imagine how angry they'd be if I spent the night in a motel with a guy!?" I laughed, I tried to make it sound genuine, it was a sad laugh, I really hope he didn't notice. I can't have him thinking I'm some weak, emotional girl that takes everything to heart. I would look absolutely pathetic.

Just bury them deep inside, don't let anyone see you, don't let anyone see you break. If they do, you'll be completely and absolutely vulnerable, naked, stripped and searched and grabbed and touched. Fingers and hands grabbing at your every last though, tugging and your emotions stirring up your fears, crumbling your love and brewing your hate. Don't let them see, don't let it out, it's only safe in the company of yourself.

Alone is good-alone is safe.

The boy looked sad, he looked a little scared, uneasy.

"Well, see ya, sorry about yesterday and how crazy I was, don't worry about that, I just get that way." I smiled, he didn't

"Don't feel obligated to text me or keep in contact, I totally understand why you guys didn't. And hey, it seems like you guys were right anyway, I already ruined your image" I laughed, he frowned

"I have some stuff for school I need to finish, so I need to get started on that..." I looked over

"Um-yeah, I'll leave you to it" his voice was so sweet, so sad and so beautiful.

"Goodbye y/n" he walked towards the door

"Bye...Jungkook"

The door closed, and he was gone

I stood, for a while.

I didn't feel like crying, I didn't feel like being sad.

I just wanted to stand, I wanted to be a shell, needless of emotion, hollowed out of feeling.

So I stood, and stood, and stood until I crumpled to be ground, like a tower of blocks after the smallest touch.

To the eye it seems pretty sturdy, standing on its own, towering in its own mass.

But in reality its fragile, so incredibly frail that with any disturbance, it'll go tumbling down. Breaking apart and caving in on itself.

Everyone looks at it with disappointment, angry and upset that it couldn't stay up, that it needed help to stand and that it needed protection, and that without, it would fall.

Everyone looked at the fallen pieces, at the mess it made. And they walk away, they're amusement is over. Once it is broken, everyone seems to leave.

I returned to my phone, looking at tweets and posts about, "the whore" that stole Jungkook, that trampled his innocence and who had "absolutely zero self respect".

Taehyung:hey...is it true...about you and Jungkook

My face went numb, Taehyung.

The boy I couldn't quit figure out.

The boy who begged me to speak with him separately, but then contacted me the least, and ignored me the most.

Rage.

The first thing he says to me in months.

Is this what people really think of me.

That I'm a god damned easy whore.

Y/n: no, its not. Thank you for giving me zero benefit of the doubt.

I'm done.

I'm done with them.

I won't ruin they're image anymore, I won't soil they're reputation, I wont answer the occasional "how're you" I got every other month.

Being alone is safe, for both of us.

Taehyung: come one y/n I didn't mean it like that

Taehyung: I just worry

Taehyung: please answer, I know you see this

Taehyung: your read receipts are on dummy

Taehyung: Y/n please don't ignore me

I had so many things I wanted to say "dont ignore you? Like the way you all ignored me?" "Don't call me that" "why do you worry?" "Why did you leave me all alone" .

But I didn't.

Instead, I waited until it all stopped.

For them to give up on me.

To forget me.

Hello, kind of a short and depressing chapter, but after this shit gets crazy(not really). The timeline changes and we gonna enter a fun new chapter. See yaaaa next time!