Invisible Ink

To My Tormentor

Every time I see you I force myself to hide.

I can't let my past blind

I can't let them see how much you always beat me

Each time you destroy me I stand back up,

Have to act like it didn't hurt,

If I'm honest it didn't hurt enough.

I don't know if I like to suffer,

Or if I just want to feel alive,

Maybe I deserve it,

All of this comes from the voice inside.

You mock my insecurities

Tie me up for all to see

Cut me short just to watch me scurry

Drag me away to take advantage of my misery

You talk down to me like I'm nothing

Then praise my name like I'm not hurting

In a crowd, you always stabbing at me

Trying to get me to put my guard down

Well, I'm done crying,

I want to voice everything,

Bring it into the limelight, 

But then wouldn't I be you?

What if they all doubt me?

Tell me to save it.

Or not start something?

What if I'm alone again and left wondering

If I'm the one who's devious,

I feel like I'm drowning.

You play with my anxiety and get my hands vibrating,

You know my fears and secure me,

When I protest you break back into me,

Talking like I'm not here listening

You've played all your cards perfectly

You know how I'll perform,

And know that I can't face you

You know that I'll keep withdrawn like always.

Because I can't touch you,

You know I'll come back,

And have to act like it was all nothing.

You played me like a fool.

And I played along,

I let you walk on me,

And expose all my wrong,

But I've got nothing to lose,

So when you read this know that it was all you.