Embers and Ashes

Chapter 17

Eris

“I messed up”, I mutter while sitting at the table. My mother sitting across from me as she sips her tea and nods.

    “That you have”, she nods in agreement and I try not to grind my teeth at the hypocrisy of her statement. She’s one to talk, she’s made this mistake. She has no right to judge me for it. “And what do you intent to do about it?”

   “I don’t know. Apologising isn’t something the Vanserra family has ever been good at”, I huff and she nods again in silent agreement.

    “Maybe you should spend the next few days thinking this over. It isn’t really fair to Melona who is trying so hard to be a good life partner to constantly not knowing where you stand on the matter”, she points out.

   “I know”, I growl in frustration but ease when I see her retreat from me. “I know. . .

    What I want is for Beron to be dead. To send Melona home so she can marry someone she deserves. To be free of me. To be High Lord.”

    “But you are not fate”, she sighs and gives me a small sad smile.

   “Do you really think Thali is good for you? Does she make you feel at peace with the world, or does she feed your anger?”, my mother asks softly with a knowing smile.

   “She makes me want to burn”, I answer truthfully. “Like I want to burst into a flames and concur the world. I want to worship her and give her every last broken pieces of myself. She’s intoxicating.”

    “She roils you up until there is nothing but animal inside you”, she sighs. “Now, how does Melona make you feel?”, she asks with a knowing mother like smile.

    “Melona. . .”, I have to stop and listen to the way her name tastes on my tongue. Both sweet and spiced at the same time. “She makes me feel like a child again, but not as if she were a scolding teacher, as if she is a child alone side me. I want to do simple things with her. I give her a broken piece of myself and she smiles, gives it a innocent kiss, and hands me a piece of herself.”

    Think about it leaves me wondering if one day we’d hold every broken shard of the other and hold each other together like puzzle pieces. Leaving me to think about her soft hands. How tender they hold my face when she healed me, how she squeezes my arm in comfort, how her fingers draw lazily over my chest. Touches that still haunt me in my sleep.

    Being around her I don’t have to hide. I don’t have to be angry, and if I am she listens to me and actually offers up suggestions. Even when they are ridiculous, just to make me smile.

    Mother above, her smile.

    “Mother”, I ask as delicately as I can. “How did you know that you loved Helion?”

    “How did you - ”, she gapes at me but I press my lips together the way she does when she doesn’t want to say anything and look away from her. I don’t want her to know how I know about her relationship with the High Lord of Day. “How many of you boys know? Does Lucien - ”

    “No, I’ve never told any of the others. I never told Lucien, even if seeing them in a room together I could see the startling resemblance, but he has too much of you in him to make anyone else suspect anything. His gifts for knowledge and magic are of course a little unsettling, but I knew since the day he was born he was only my half brother. That’s why I protected him from the others and from father as best I could. I knew Lucien was never a threat to me”, I explained.

    Mother leapt from her seat and hugged me close. Startled I gently pat her on the back as she kisses my hair.

    “I’m so sorry you had to do that. I should have thought more of you. I shouldn’t have given into Helion. My boys, I’m so sorry”, she whimpers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t, that I can’t protect you from him like I should have.”

    “You’ve given your soul over for all of us. I’m sorry we didn’t, and can’t fight for you as we should”, I murmur back. “Don’t worry yourself for it any longer. Never feel guilty for letting yourself love someone the way you did Helion, and still do. You deserve to be cherished more then any female on this world.”

   “Oh my first born”, she cradles my head as if I still a swaddling faeling.

    I let myself be held by her. Remembering the years where it had been just me and her against the world. The scares we share that none of the others could understand.

    “After hundreds of years Helion was the first one to ever help me feel safe. From the start he treated me like his equal. I gave him every broken piece of myself and he’d smile, gave it a tender kiss, and offered up a piece of himself”, she answers with a sad laugh. “Don’t let her slip away from you Eris. Fight for her. Don’t make my mistakes. Fight for her. Even if it’s against yourself, your fears, your father, all of Prythian. There are battles that are worth loosing everything for.”

    I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my mother a bit tighter. “You’ll be with him one day. I promise that you’ll have your chance to be with Helion and Lucien again. I promise mother.”

    She simply smiles and kisses my curls.

There is a knock at the door.

~
Melona

   I walked in to find the two of them whipping away tears.

   “Is everything alright?”, I ask looking between her Ladyship and Eris worriedly.

    “Everything is just fine dearest. Do not worry yourself”, her majesties voice is soft and lithe as a wind in grass. Her grace sweeping over the space between us just as beautiful as her voice. A part of me praying I would someday be like her when I grow older.

    “Thank you so much for coming this evening. I just couldn’t wait another moment. The seamstresses have just brought in the dresses and I need to see you in it this instant”, she smiles despite the sad look still lingering in her eyes as Eris stands up from his chair. Smoothing out his streightened hair.

    “Thank you for having me come your Ladyship”, I smile back as kindly as I can with growing concern.

    “Oh hush with the formalities. We will all be family soon. Please call me Serephina, or Phina, or Sera.  Whichever suits you best, I will answer to all while in private company”, she beams brighter then the sun.

   “Sera seems best”, I smile and let her drag me along. Eris seeming to not be able to look at me as we pass. I reach out to touch his hand, but Sera is too quick and excited I am swept into the other room.

   Eris muttering his goodbyes and leaving swiftly.

   “He can to explain the predicament you two are facing”, she sighs heavily and pats my shoulder lightly. “I am sorry that my son has not been the most considerate towards you. You are barely married and he already is having problems.”

   “It’ll take some time to adjust for him I’m sure. I think I am understanding that better now. Life isn’t as simply as we wish it was”, I offers.

    “Please don’t give up on him. Please”, she begs and squeezes my hand. “I mean don’t let him walk all over you for a second, but please be patient. He’s never had proper examples of  how to love someone properly. That’s no excuse, but. . . please give him time.”

    “I will”, I squeeze her hand for reassurance.