Dormies |E.C|

|20 - Moving On|

|Harper|

For the next two and a half months, I worked on bettering myself. After being devastated over Jason getting no punishments for his actions, I tried my hardest to let go. I followed Yasmin's advice and started seeing a counselor on campus. It had been helping out tremendously.

I got possibly the best news ever a few weeks after the phone call with the police. Jason had transferred schools. He was all the way in Arizona— far away from me and everyone else that'd shunned him after they found out about what he'd done. Yep, after weeks of contemplating, I confessed to Pozzi and even Ronnie what'd happened. They despised him as much as I did after that and Ronnie apologized for not believing me.

The holidays came and went by pretty quickly. I spent Thanksgiving with Ethan and his family, which was nice because his parents love me. My birthday was pretty lit too; Pozzi threw me a party and deejayed the entire time. I was still a bit timid in a partying environment, so I mostly stayed up under Ethan the whole time. Some of the videos I got when we were dancing in the corner were priceless.

Ethan spent Christmas with my family and I. It was pretty fun watching him and my dad try to bake reindeer-shaped cookies. Ethan and I decided to just stay in for New Year's alone and chill.

A couple more eventful things happened over the break too. Khaotic Collective blew up even more; I'm talking 'he had to get it patented' blown up. This place called China Town Market reached out to Ethan and they wanted to talk to him about getting his brand put in their store. After a few meetings, reading through hella papers, and signing a bunch of shit, it was official! His brand was legit as hell and in a big ass store; not just the tiny skate shop anymore. He was ecstatic and I was so fucking proud of him.

In less... suitable for work news, I was getting my sex life back on track. At first, I didn't even want to think about sex. I'd been violated by someone that didn't give a shit about me or my body. I felt like my body wasn't my own after that. However, talking to my counselor helped me get into a different mindset. I didn't have to let one sick fucking person permanently ruin something for me. She gave me a few suggestions, and I took them. After a few initial panic attacks, and uncomfortableness, I'd finally worked up to masturbating again, and I felt good about it.

Ethan had been so supportive of me through the process. He'd give me space when I wanted to please myself and assured me that I was strong for being able to do so. We hadn't done anything sexual together and he was being so patient with me. That was starting to fuck with my head though, because I knew he was sexually frustrated. We hadn't had sex since before the big incident. I wanted to, maybe, but I just didn't have the confidence to take things further yet.

_

Spring break was in a couple of weeks and the whole gang, minus Ronnie, was going on a big trip. We all felt that we deserved it. I was over Alyssa's place to help her pack, and because I wanted to spend time with her and talk.

"Are you taking these?" I asked her, holding up a pair of sandals.

"Yes, of course," she replied, so I tossed them to her, "I still can't believe you're already packed!"

I smiled and helped her fold the clothes she had on the bed, "Literally had nothing else better to do. Plus, you're always waiting until the last minute to do shit like this."

"Am not," she denied and I gave her a look, "Okay, maybe a tiny bit last minute."

I rolled my eyes and put the clothes I'd folded into her suitcase, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course. What's up?"

I plopped back on her bed, "So you know how I've been easing myself back into sex?"

She moved the suitcase to the floor and sat next to me, "Yeah, what about it?"

"I haven't had sex with Ethan yet and it's starting to bother me."

"Do you want to? And what's bothering you about it?"

"I don't know. Maybe," I sighed, "And I just feel bad about it."

"Feel bad how?"

I played around with my fingers, "Like I know he's probably sexually frustrated out of his mind. What if I'm still not ready after another month or two and he like... gets it from somewhere else?" It hurt to think about and say out loud, but it had been running through my mind a lot.

Alyssa looked at me incredulously, like she was ready to slap the hell out of me, "Do you really think he'd do that?"

"No..." I admitted and put my hand to my face. I knew he wouldn't... Fuck, what was wrong with me? I felt even worse for thinking he would've.

"Then stop stressing over it. It'll happen when you're ready for it to," she said and continued packing. She was right. God, why was she always right? I sighed and went back to helping her. It'd happen when I was ready for it to.

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