The Incarnate (A Good Omens CrowleyxReader)

~Chapter 3 (R 10/20/2019)~

"Am I a part of the cure, or am I part of the disease?" Clocks by Coldplay

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The next few days fall into a steady yet tedious rhythm. Wake up, get ready for the day, go to work, struggle to not be fired, study and finish homework with Aziraphale, occasionally go to a class at around five, and then go to bed. The same thing, over and over again.

One afternoon as you walk to Aziraphale's, textbooks in hand, you can't help but think. As usual, your mind decides you need to be miserable.

You consider Aziraphale. He's unbelievably kind, and somehow... You find yourself trying your best to give back to him. Sometimes you bring new flavors of tea, occasionally treats, anything you can afford. Even then, he's elated, and you can't but help but be happy with him. It's amazing to have someone care about you. Ever since your parent's deaths... You've felt empty. Every second seemed to last an hour. And now, being with him makes you happy, so purely happy.

But being happy hurts. When you're left to your devices, you feel guilty. Why should you be feeling so great when they're gone? It's not fair to them. The only person who you know is Aziraphale, and he's already given you so much... Why ask for more?

Second, you'd never admit it to anyone, but somehow in the course of a few days, you and Aziraphale have connected so much more than anyone you'd met before. And now he feels almost like a second father to you, and... you don't want that. It'll be great for a while, but... he's human too. In ten years, who knows if he'll even still be alive. And when he does pass, you'll be utterly devastated, just like you were with your parents.

All in all, you want to be there for him like he's there for you, but you don't know how. And you're scared of the future because you know that the world is so much harsher than anyone would think and you know that it's only a matter of time before you're alone again. Maybe it's a curse. Maybe you're so fucked up that you shouldn't even try.

Before you know it, you're standing in front of Aziraphale's bookshop. Your stomach twists, but you push the feeling down and enter. As usual, he's sitting at his desk. As soon as he spots you, his eyes light up in almost childlike joy.

Your worries from before are instantly forgotten for a moment seeing his face, and you can't help but grin.

You pull up a chair and plop down next to him.

"Hello, Y/N!" He says happily.

"Hi!"

He looks you up and down and meets your gaze, eyes rimmed with concern. "Are you doing alright?"

Your eyes widen. He always seems to know when something's bothering you. It's incredible, and it would be slightly offputting if it wasn't so sweet. But you shouldn't tell him your thoughts, because again, he's given you a lot. Why ask for anything more, even if it's support?

"Oh, I'm fine," you lie. "Why do you ask?"

He doesn't say anything for a moment. "No reason. But, Y/N... I have a question for you."

"Yeah?"

"So... Do you actually not like Christianity? Or do you just not believe in it?"

"I'm neutral," you reply. "It seems silly, but I don't judge anyone for believing in it."

He looks away, deep in thought for a moment. He looks back at you. "Well, what about any other religions? For example, Taoism."

"Eh... Not really my thing. Although I do respect people who manage to completely believe in that, it sounds difficult to be so peaceful and happy."