Tend Towards

[R] The Daniel 'Dan' Anderson Adventures

Name: Daniel 'Dan' Anderson

Personality: 89% Background character, 11% plot device, 3% mathematical anomaly.

Weapons: a sharp wit and the philosophies of non-violent resistance.

Appearance: Episode 3 as 'Man with hotdog', later revealed in Episode 12 to be 'The Chosen One'. Cameo in Episode 14 as 'Laboratory Experiment'.

Ideals: Rollercoaster rides and chaining of the self to the tree.

Flaws: Forgetful of his role in the narrative universe. Very bad at Meta jokes.

Bonds: Necklace received from a mysterious stranger that will turn out to be very plot relevant in the finale.

Daniel 'Dan' Anderson only really registered the commotion outside when the barista recalled his attention from a vivid daydream.

"Your coffee, Sir," she muttered absentmindedly, and placed his cup on the counter next to his half-eaten muffin. Her eyes were focusing on the scene outside the windows of the cafe, and Daniel 'Dan' Anderson followed her gaze.

There was a large group gathered around the center of the plaza and, floating slightly above them, Vivacious Vex in his golden-green cape. Across from Vivacious, Disastrous Dex held a waif up by her collar, dangerously high up from the ground. 

Daniel 'Dan' Anderson sighed internally. The twins had this strange sort of rivalry and they seemed to think the best way to resolve their problems was to endanger the lives of innocent bystanders.

"I don't get why people congregate around them like that. Clearly, that hasn't worked out well for anybody before," Daniel 'Dan' Anderson told the barista, who shushed him with narrow eyes.

"I'm trying to listen," she whispered, and returned her gaze to the scene. Daniel 'Dan' Anderson sighed again - perhaps not so internally this time - and settled back into a familiar daydream about deep-ocean diving. 

People didn't fight in the deep ocean. Daniel 'Dan' Anderson didn't even think there was any war in on the floors of the sea. That would be nice. 

Daniel 'Dan' Anderson could build a theme park - something less cliche than WaterWorld, hopefully - and just generally have a good time without worrying about stupid supers and their publicised sibling issues. 

The barista tapped Daniel 'Dan' Anderson on the shoulder, once again reeling him up from the trenches of his thoughts. 

"What?" Daniel 'Dan' Anderson attempted to glare at her, but it was surprisingly ineffective. She barely even noticed - her eyes were still fixed on the scene outside, and her finger slowly pointed. With an annoyed huff, Daniel 'Dan' Anderson turned his glare to back to the hero-villain dynamic, but almost jumped out of his skin when Vivacious and Disastrous were stood right outside the window, glaring back at him.

"What?" he mouthed at them, frowning.

Disastrous cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "We said: if only there was some sort of ancient ocean artefact that turned out to be my only weakness."

"Yeah, and?" Daniel 'Dan' Anderson yelled back.

Vivacious shook his head, and pointed at Daniel 'Dan' Anderson. Daniel 'Dan' Anderson looked down at himself. His blue and silver seahorse necklace was glimmering in the stark white light of the cafe.

Instinctively, Daniel 'Dan' Anderson clutched it closer to his chest. "No," Daniel 'Dan' Anderson yelled, "it's mine!"

Vivacious looked like he was ready to strangle somebody. Ironic, Daniel 'Dan' Anderson thought, considering that Vivacious Vex was supposed to be the hero.

"Don't make me come in there!" Disastrous threatened.

Daniel 'Dan' Anderson scoffed. As if.

When Disastrous took a step towards the window - no, wait, literally right through the window, Daniel 'Dan' Anderson yelped and grabbed at anything to chuck at the villain.

The muffin went flying and hit Disastrous straight in the face. A silence fell on the cafe. Daniel 'Dan' Anderson slowly rose  from his seat and took a step back. 

"I'm tired of - " he sniggered, he couldn't help himself, "being your mcmuffin."

The silence that hung over the cafe remained that way. "Is that supposed to be a McDonalds joke?" Vivacious asked after a long moment.

"What, no. It's supposed to be McGuffin, but I - y'know what?" Daniel 'Dan' Anderson bolted through the cafe, and into the kitchens. 

McDonald's he seethed internally. What a joke. 

Daniel 'Dan' Anderson made a solemn promise to himself that he was going to chain himself to a tree until this brotherly war ended.

Somewhere behind him, the brothers knocked over a barista, but it was too late. Daniel 'Dan' Anderson had one very special talent - he was as ordinary and average as they come. He blended seamlessly into the crowd behind the cafe as two very confused supers emerged, but he knew this wasn't the last he would see of them.