Jaemin the Icy Prince on Campus - Na Jaemin NCT

12. The Wall

"So, are you still angry with me?" you said quietly, looking down at me.

We were sitting on a bench overlooking a park.

"No," I whispered, and looked up at you. "I'm not angry with you. I mean I was just now, but I'm not anymore..." I heard the wobble in my voice, for tears were dangerously near the surface. 

"Don't cry," he said, and his voice was tender, "you mustn't cry. You know I can't bear it when you cry." 

You took my face in your hands and kissed away my tears gently, and said softly, "You can be such an idiot sometimes, you know that?"

"If you didn't like the date, you should have said outright you didn't."

"I - I - "

"You hated it, the whole thing, didn't you? Yet you still went through with it. Are you a masochist, or something?"

"I thought you wanted to go out with her, I thought you liked her."

"You must be kidding," you said. "That man-eater? She's a bad influence on my girl. Stay away from her." I felt the low rumble of laughter deep in your chest, pressed against you so tightly.

My girl. 

Hearing that from your lips sent a thrill through me, as always.

We sat quietly, our arms around each other. With a sigh, you shut your eyes and burrowed into me, pulling me tight with a small nestling movement, and said drowsily, "It's been a long day. Let me hold you for a bit, let's just stay like this for a while. God, I've missed you so - " 

Something about the movement, about the way you turned your cheek into the white softness of my furry coat, caught at me. 

"Is there a moon?" Your voice was half drowsy.

"A sort of quarter, it just came up, all fuzzy at the edges, like wool..." I said softly, and stroked your hair.

"Mina..."

"Yes?"

"I love you..."

Your body slackened, and your breathing came more deeply.

"Shhh..." I murmured. "I know. Now go to sleep..."

You were asleep. I turned my cheek on the tickling brush of your hair, featherlight, soft as gossamer, and smelling sweetly of lavendar. You must have rushed back, and showered and shampooed in a hurry, so eager to see me, and I had been childish and churlish, sulky and sullen, glaring at you, refusing to meet your eyes all night. It broke my heart, thinking about how hurt you must have felt.

"Jaemin?" It was barely a breath. 

No answer. 

I slipped a hand down under your coat, and found your hand. It was warm and soft. I tucked the coat around you tightly. I kissed your hair, very lightly, and whispered, "I love you...now and forever, this is where I belong, with you, and nothing else, and no one else matters, but you..."

Perhaps one day, in years to come, someone would venture upon this very bench and listen to the silence, as I had done, and close her eyes, and breathe in the melancholy smell of wet wood and sodden leaves lingering, trembling on a wisp of air, and be filled to overflowing, be overcome by the loveliness, the stillness and the peace, and catch the echoes of my whispers of my love for you, on a chilly autumn night, exactly like this one, in the faint light of the waning moon, just a thin curved thread, spun as if by magic in the dark sky.

Later, you woke up, and stretched like a contented cat, rested and relaxed, the lines of fatigue miraculously gone from beneath your eyes.

"I want to show you something," you said, with a smile, and pulled me up.

"What is it?" I said, a little breathlessly.

But you just laughed, and said, "You'll see it soon enough."

We strolled along the streets, and every now and then, the brights lights of the shops leapt out at us, and the chatter and laughter from every corner of the bustling entertainment hub of Myeongdong came to my ears like the hazy remnants of an elusive dream, surreal, enchanting.

You hugged me close to you as you walked, holding my hand tight in yours, smiling down into my upturned face, laughing a little at my excitement, my anticipation, and I had to stop myself so many times from flinging my arms around you, and kissing you silly, in front of the people, the lights, and the chatter. I wondered if all women, when in love, were torn between two warring impulses, a longing to throw modesty and reserve to the winds, and an equal determination to cloak that fever beneath a mask of propriety and convention, to be cool, aloof, to pretend to be detached, to die rather than admit a thing so personal, so intimate...

The autumn night claimed us. In a moment it was part of us. We walked on, and it started to rain again, lightly, dreamily, and I glanced down, and saw that our shoes were damp.

"Here," you said, "over here."

And you took my hand and drew me down a dark alley, and along a narrow, winding flight of stone steps.

"What is this place?" I said breathlessly.

"You'll see," you said, and when we reached the top of the steps, you pulled me after you, laughing, and said, "Look there."

It was a wall, a kind of embankment, made of stone, all along the edge of the rooftop. It looked like one of those medieval English castles I had glimpsed at once, in a book.

"Look down there," you said.

Beneath me, I could see the lights of Seoul, all the houses, the buildings lit up, like a fairytale world.

"It's so beautiful," I whispered.

"You're beautiful," you said quietly. "God, you're so beautiful...you're more beautiful every time I see you...how is that possible?"

You took a step towards me.

"Are you a witch, Kim Mina?" Your voice is low, almost a whisper; reverential, worshipful. "Because I'm beginning to think you are..."

You took another step closer to me.

"And I think - I think I'm bewitched," you whispered, and swallowed. "I think you've bewitched me. I'm under your spell, Kim Mina, I'm yours...utterly, completely yours..."

"Is that so?" I twirled on my tiptoes, and flung my arms to the sky. "See? I've cast a new spell, I've danced my witch's dance, I've locked you in, you can't escape from me anymore..." Power ran to my fingertips. I looked at you, and I could not hold back anymore. And you looked at me, your face pale, your mouth strained, and I knew you couldn't either. 

"Mina... ," you said hoarsely, and took a step towards me.

And then, I was flying to you, my eyes blurred with tears, and we fell into each other's arms.

I was crying with desperation, with longing. You were my drug, what I craved, and the intensity of my hunger for you, caught at me, and made me coil my arms around you, made me rain kisses on you, on every inch of your face. You could no longer be denied, nor suppressed, like the pull of a magnet - everything about you was a vast magnet, and I was the needle, caught up in you, wedged tight to you, and I didn't want to let go, I never ever wanted to break free, all I wanted was to stay like this forever, fused to you, joined to you forever...

And you crushed my lips beneath yours, and the joy that flooded me was indescribable, and the surge of feeling, like wings about me in the air, lifted me up, high above the world, and the stars. I closed my eyes, and I stirred to life again; I had awakened finally, from my long restless, waiting slumber...