Challenge: How to lose 20 kilos?!

Day 1 - Start weight. My scale is a bitch.

I don't want to go on the scale. I know it's going to be bad and she (yes, my scale is a she) will be mean.

Interesting this "she" thing. It probably refers to my mom to whom I am always too fat so she's unhappy but then when it happens that I lose weight, she's unhappy too.

She doesn't like that I don't eat all the food she offers me and she doesn't like when I'm "too" pretty.
I've never understood her behavior.
She has never ever been supportive when I tried to lose weight.

Yep, you're thinking: ooohh, not her first diet. Haha. Who's first diet could it be?!?

Ok... going to weight myself right now. Help!
Hold on.
If I stop breathing, would I be lighter?!?!
Alright, I go.

Oh my God. It's bad. It's really bad. Worse.
Shit.
75.9
Wow.
Disaster day.
My scale is a bitch.

Okay, it's a good thing I'm on the path of this diet today.

So, I'm starting with a cool detox for just 7 days that will consist of fruits, veggies, soups and yogurts with spirulina.
I'll weight myself again after 6 or 7 days depending on my schedule on Day 7.

But Jeez, I was not expecting such a high number!
I don't feel hungry at all, all the sudden...

It's gonna be ok.
It's good to notice the feelings we have through the day.
My lifecoach a few months ago made me write every day my "Diary of emotions " and it helped me to see how strongly my cravings and my emotions were linked.

My weight is objectively too high for my size. Not healthy.

It's 1pm. I've decided to stay home this afternoon, I need to rest if I want to succeed this first detox day.

Last year I was in the exact same place, same day I have started a diet. I was doing fine and then I met online Richard, the big fat liar Richard. I was not interested in meeting anyone, I was still dealing with my ex husband and the divorce going on.

But Richard was so kind with his words. He sent me messages every day, he was warm and paid me so many compliments that I felt special. But at some point it was too much! I wanted to stop as I knew I would never meet him. I told him. And he insisted soooo much, he told me his relationship with his girlfriend was a failure and WE both deserved to be happy now.

He begged me to give us a chance.

Spoiler alert: What a douche!!!

At first when I saw his pic on the Website, I thought he was 30 something. I was so excited. I loved the connection we had since the very first moments and messages. I loved every thing about him. He played rugby, he was a pilot, he was fun, talking about travels and places we could visit together!
I thought: that's it, that's HIM, the guy I hoped to meet my entire life.

Then he talked about his girls... Ha. I was not that excited anymore. Then he said it was "complicated" with his girlfriend but he knew it was over for good with her.
Okay.
Then he sent me a pic.
Oh!
He was not in his 30s at all... the pic I saw on the Website was taken... 20 years ago! Yep, he was 52! And absolutely not my type...

But, I'm not a superficial gal so I continued to write him. And he continued the compliments and the nice and kind words, he was flirty and seductive.

I was overweight at that time, exactly like I am today. And I needed to gain time to lose weight before I'd meet him. If.
I felt encouraged and supported to lose weight because of him, because I wanted to be at my best the day we'd meet.
Sigh.

But today is different. I don't want to seduce anyone. I'm just losing weight for me and my health.

It's always a bad idea to lose weight "for" someone because eventually when this someone disappears you risk to lose your primary motivation... and somehow this is what happened to me.

I think I also kind of wanted to punish myself those past two months for falling for this guy and his lies.
I was double punished! Firstly I have lost the attention and affection of a man, I was alone and lonely again. And secondly, I was getting fat and ugly 😥😟😔

Did I tell you that as I have gained 12 kilos in just two months... I do not fit in my clothes anymore so I had to buy new dresses?! How sad is that?...

Enough!
Today is a new day!

*
Food revelation time.
For lunch, I had 4 carrots, a bowl of soup (peas, zucchinis, broccoli) and then half a nectarine.

*

Okay, I'm not going to lie. It's 5pm and I'm starving. Thinking only about the soup I will eat tonight. Ssshhh.

I did a Jon Gabriel meditation earlier, to visualize myself radiating health and I saw myself immediately at my weight goal. Felt awesome! I wish it was instantly true!

I also tried to distract myself from food thoughts by doing my nails. I have a beautiful Dior red polish on my fingers!

Dinner, finally!
2 bowls of asparagus soup, 3 carrots and 2 apricots.

I haven't had such a clean day since.... 3-4 weeks maybe.

Bravo.