Black Coffee :|: America x Russia :|: Countryhumans

Act I, Chapter Nine

Be prepared for cringe if any of you know Russian or German. I used google translate :(

I have a Russian friend who I could ask but I don't wanna bother him :')

Also, on a more serious note: in this version of the story WWI and WWII never happened, so as to not make some relationships (e.g. Third and USSR) abusive. If any countries have problems with them it'll most likely be more about their government and way of life rather than anything traumatic that happened in the war. This also means America never bombed Japan and visa versa, and that Germany doesn't suffer from bullying due to his dad literally trying to kill everyone. However, Imperial Japan, Fascist Italy and Third Reich still do exist - they are just times where the countries had changes in their governments rather than being the Axis powers.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

I will not be taking questions.

(aNd YeS i KnOw пAпA mEaNs PaPa As WeLl BuT sHhHhH nO oNe CaReS) 

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"Россия! Вытащи свою ленивую задницу из постели!!" (Russian: Russia! Get your lazy ass out of bed!)

On Tuesday morning, Russia was unceremoniously woken up by being jumped on and yelled at.

Like most mornings.

"Заткнись, выходи (Russian: Shut up, get off)," Russia groaned, pulling his warm woolen sheets over his head to try to block out the sunlight that had been released into his bedroom.

"Nu-uh! Papa says you gotta get up and help make breakfast," Russia's youngest brother Sovi chimed, still jumping up and down on Russia's bed - almost sending his older brother flying multiple times.

"Хорошо, хорошо, я встану! Просто оставь меня в поко." (Russian: Alright, alright, I'll get up! Just leave me alone.)

"Okie dokie!" Sovi sang, jumping onto the floor with surprising grace for a six year old. "Just don't be grumpy okay? You're annoying when you're all grumpy."

"I'm grumpy because you jump on me you little devil!" the Russian roared as he lept out of bed and scooped up Sovi in his arms, tickling his sides and growling.

"AHHHHH! THE MONSTER!" Sovi screamed, laughing hysterically and squirming.

"That's what you get for disrespecting me you мошенник!" (Russian: Rascal)

An amused chuckle from the doorway startled Russia out of big brother mode as he looked up to greet his father, who seemed very entertained by the sight of Sovi dangling upside down.

"папа (Russian: Dad)! Help me!" Sovi cried, getting tickled by Russia once more.

USSR shook his head with a laugh, walking over to his youngest son and Slav squatting in order to be face to face with him. Russia ceased his torture for a moment so that his father would be able actually somewhat hold a conversation with the mischievous child.

"It seems like you deserve your fate, сын (Russian: Son). But I might help you if you apologise to the monster."

"Never!" Sovi pouted, crossing his arms and poking his tongue out to punctuate his point.

The Red Army shrugged and grinned evilly, "then you deserve no mercy."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Sovi wailed pathetically as both Russian countries tickled him.

Luckily for him, he was saved just in time by the red coloured angel who entered the room.

"All right, you three, I think that's enough fun. C'mon, I'm sure you're all starving," Nazi smiled, holding his arms open as Sovi was released from his death sentence.