28 Minutes

6:13

My hand starts to tremble. I can feel it starting. The trembling and the shaking. The bitter need for my addiction crawls up my throat like a living thing. I can feel the addition sitting in the back of my throat like a spider all night, quietly waiting for me to feed it. To let the addiction grow. I hoped not. I hoped that I would be strong enough to overcome it, but I'm not sure.

I wouldn't have even started smoking had I not signed on with Simon. Nobody warns you about the addictions that slowly and quietly eat away the people in this industry. They don't tell you that sometimes it's easier to take a hit off of a cig than deal with everything going on inside your head. They don't say that most of the time, nobody cares if the cig or the drink or the snort or the shot will destroy your health because nobody thinks they'll live past thirty anyway. If my destiny is to die than why die stressed?

Fresh air seems to be the only thing that can calm me down when the spider craves. The over-priced cologne is enough to send my mind spinning. It takes nearly thirty seconds for me to walk towards an exit with Harry close at my heels.

Harry's loops of silvers and golds push the door open for me as I walk outside. He must be able to tell that I'm desperate. That I'm a junkie for a cig. I'm better off than most, but I'd rather not worry about any of it all. It takes ten more seconds for me to walk to the edge of the balcony and look over it. Allowing the fresh air to engulf me like a hug. A cool one at that, but a hug nonetheless.

"Never smoke. Never do it, yeah? Never take any of those drugs they'll try to ram down your throat. The addiction isn't worth it," I sigh. I allow myself to relax.

Slowly, the spider fades into the back.